Dana Rohrabacher’s right – Pedroza shouldn’t be calling people “haters” so much…

I agree with Congressman Rohrabacher: When my friend Art Pedroza discusses politicians and activists who specialize in picking on other races – specifically Latino immigrants – it’s unhelpful to just automatically call them “haters.” Because the overuse of a word like that causes it to lose its meaning somewhat. I believe, and I think this is also what Rohrabacher means, that a writer should take a little more time, and meditate a moment or two on the particular hater in question, until the correct word or phrase occurs to him to describe that particular hater with precision. Or to paraphrase Gary Larson, “Gentlemen, we know they’re haters, but what sort of haters are they?”

Some examples from my own body of work:

Barbara Coe
“bitter old Babs”
“trembling fireplug of malice”
“self-contained manufacturer of her own mad facts”

Lupe Moreno
“pulsing heap of misery”
“even mas fea in the flesh”
“hollering…how Jesus had saved her from her immigrant-shtupping ways”

This crowd in general
“an ever-shrinking demographic of cranky misanthropes and losers”
“ultimately unhelpful and piteous”
“forty pallid geezers”

Joe Arpaio
“drunken despot of Maricopa County”
“lawless, brutal and buffoonish”
“The Demagogue at Dusk”
“no longer dangerous in his own right, but an unhealthy symbol and rallying point, much like Osama Bin Laden”

Allan Mansoor
“attempts to distract us with pointless and divisive anti-immigrant gestures”
“inveterate, dyed-in-the-wool, race demagogue and bully”
“traumatized, defined, and driven by the La Cucaracha truck”
“childishly shirks responsibility for his actions”
“shining white knight of the nativists and xenophobes”
“mopey cipher … reclusive childless divorcee … lifelong public employee / jailer / politician …
whose idea of being American seems to be striving toward a bland vanilla”

“pandering, preening…”
“this big baby, this big Latino-hating, labor-bashing baby”
“inarticulate unemployed former cop”
“young racial opportunist”

Van Tran
“The Oil Spill known as Van Tran”
“Herod-like douchebag”
“Dodo Bird Van Tran”
“You goofy drooling dope”

Dana Rohrabacher
“Find the barrel marked ‘US Congress,’ scrape the bottom, and up will pop the low-comedy figure of Dana Rohrabacher.”
“doing nothing … but in the manner of a crazed rabid Tyrannosaurus Rex.”
“painfully aware of his own impotence and dotage”
“flush in the bloom of his second or third childhood”
“Setting aside…his sadism and his unabashed love of pollution… he is basically a political prankster.”
“a man of low and vulgar tastes whose idea of a fun weekend is putting panties on a Muslim’s head and applying electrodes to his genitals”
“disdained by his colleagues for his utter lack of seriousness and chronic Tourette’s”
“blazing in the height of his foolish glory”
“overgrown little boy Congressman…playing at rogue foreign policy with results ranging from unnoticeable to disastrous and tragic”
“the Torture Apologist in the Twilight of his Career”

That, I submit, is how it’s done.

About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.