‘Rule of Law City’ Orange Officially Declared a ‘Ruled By Clowns City.’


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I suppose it was only a matter of time, but two representatives from the “Benevolent Association of Clown Municipalities” showed up at Tuesday’s Orange City Council meeting, to welcome them to their proud and glad fraternity.  Spake the first:

“I just want to say that I don’t think this council has received a fraction of the praise it deserves for the bold stand you took at the last meeting, declaring yourself a Rule of Law City.

“I applaud you for your courage – your forthright courage in standing up to the forces of political correctness, your bravery in facing down the most dangerous and powerful forces in today’s society – people with lawnmowers.

“I applaud you for your clarity of vision – the vision to place the blame for all of Orange’s budgetary woes exactly where it belongs – at the feet of Orange’s nannies, housekeepers and gardeners.

“And above all I applaud you for your single-mindedness, in choosing only ONE of so many laws to focus all of your attention on, at the expense of all others – the vital, non-negotiable, immigration code, without which our society cannot survive.

“Other less steadfast cities would probably have gotten distracted from that one overriding imperative – keeping the undocumented out of our fair town.

“A lesser council might have lost focus, and distracted themselves with issues like protecting its people from white collar crime – which the FBI conservatively estimates costs us taxpayers $300 Billion a year;

“A lesser council might have thought, instead, about workplace safety violations, which kill 60,000 Americans each year.

“A council less steadfast and single-minded might have even made a nod toward the enforcement of environmental regulations, given the preponderence of preventable childhood illnesses linked to disregard of those rules.

“But NOT THE ORANGE CITY COUNCIL!  And for that, we at the Benevolent Association of Clown Municipalities give you MAJOR CLOWN PROPS!”

And then, with the council still in a sort of state of shock,
a second speaker in a nice suit rose up with a fancy looking document,
and addressed them thus:

“Per request of the Benevolent Association of Clown Municipalities, I’m here to deliver the following resolution to the honorable members of this body.

“It is as follows:

WHEREAS, in this election year, members of the City Council of Orange seek to divert the public’s attention away from their own ineptitude at handling the city’s budget deficit by passing a resolution blaming people who work as gardeners, nannies, dishwashers and maids for all the municipality’s financial woes.

WHEREAS, although the City Council of Orange also passed a resolution claiming to be a “Rule of Law” city, it in no way demands enforcement of thousands of laws protecting the public from more serious harms, including those dealing with consumer fraud, food and drug safety, and the environment.

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, that the City of Orange, through actions undertaken by members of the City Council at the Tuesday, June 8, 2010 meeting of this body, is to become the first municipality in the State of California and the United States to be officially designated as a “Ruled by Clowns” city.

“So who’s with me?” [at that point, a number of previously unnoticed clowns in the audience rose up and shouted “WHOO!” and began playing music and dancing.]

“And as you can see, only clowns agree that people who work as gardeners, nannies, dishwashers, and maids pose a fundamental threat to economic-well being of Western Civilization.

“In closing, I hope our clowns can work closely with the clowns here in passing other equally enlightening legislation that represent the finest in medieval-age thinking.

“A few things that come to mind:

“1.) The urgent need to pass ordinances that prohibit faeries, unicorns,
leprechauns, and winged-serpents of all stripes from frolicking in city-owned parks.

“2.) Deputizing possums and raccoons to assist with law-enforcement duties during the long cold Orange nights.

“3.) Giving police officers the power to stop and detain women drivers if they have “reasonable articulable suspicion” they are practicing witchcraft and sorcery.

“I thank you for your time … ”

Reaction from the Council was not forthcoming.


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.