Van Tran, You Moron. (first in a series)


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In what we hope will be an ongoing feature, Congressional candidate Van Tran has kindly agreed to join us in an informal e-mail dialogue where we will discuss various issues of the day.  This week Mr. Tran has decided to share his opinions on August 4’s historic ruling overturning California’s Proposition 8 outlawing  same-sex marriage.  We hope Mr. Tran will continue to join us as the campaign season proceeds, in a series we’re entitling “Van Tran, You Moron!”

Tran:  Today Judge Walker showed his outright contempt for California’s voters.

Orange Juice:  Contempt?  That’s somewhat harsh, don’t you think?  I assume you’re referring to his ruling that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional because it discriminated against same-sex couples?  That took months of arguments and deliberation, it was hardly contemptuous.

Tran:  The initiative process was designed to ensure the people of California have an opportunity to bypass the legislature and courts when these institutions fail to represent them.

OJ:  Well, actually no.  The initiative process was designed to bypass the legislature, not the courts.  Where did you pull that from, doofus?

Tran:  Instead of respecting that clear voice, a judicial activist has undermined the will of voters.

OJ:  Ah, “judicial activist” – that Tea Party Express endorsement has gone to your head, huh.  You mean, of course, any judge you disagree with;  we know the GOP lexicon.  You may not know any American history, being such a newcomer, but we’ve had all kinds of horrifically unjust laws, passed and favored by popular majorities, that would still be in effect if the courts hadn’t done their jobs and found them unconstitutional.  You don’t know any of that, do you.  Do you want some examples?

Tran: This is a radical action, attempting to throw out the vote of the people and change the rules after the fact.

OJ:  If you ask me, Prop 8 was a pretty radical action itself, taking away marriage rights from millions of people by a 52% vote.  But what are you talking about, “change the rules after the fact?”  The fact that courts can decide on the constitutionality of a law or an initiative has been part of “the rules” since the beginning, and everybody was expecting that possibility.  You goofy drooling dope.

Tran:  The battle for the merits of Proposition 8 is over.

OJ:  Yes!  Thank you.  So be quiet now.

Tran:  We had an open, fair election of Proposition 8 and it was passed by California’s voters in a historic election.

OJ:  Oh Jesus, this again?  Here’s something you probably don’t realize about this country’s Constitution – it’s there to protect us individuals not only from the government, but also from the tyranny of the majority.  Can you wrap your melon head around that, sir?

Tran: The judiciary must learn to respect those results.

OJ:  You know, I’m getting really concerned here about sending someone to Congress who doesn’t understand the separation of powers, or the concept of the equal protection clause.  You know, Van, why don’t you just sit this election out, we’ll stick with Loretta.  Meanwhile watch this a few times and see if you can learn something:


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.