Latest Immigration Outrages, plus Lady GAGA.

Famed slab of drywall and Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell is not only the latest Republican Congressman to suggest changing the Constitution, getting rid of the part of the 14th Amendment that gives citizenship to anyone born in this country.  He’s also the leader of the Senate Republicans, so this makes gutting the 14th the official Republican position!  The section in question was added to the Constitution after the Civil War to allow the children of slaves citizenship, but in some folks’ minds these days it makes for too many “anchor babies.”

So now the GOP is officially the party of Michelle Quinn, the Grate One, and “deadwhitemale.” Hey, good luck with that!  Of course, you haters, these politicians won’t really do anything.  It’s a huge, years-long process to change the Constitution, they’re not serious about it, and even if they were, by the time the process was under way you’ll really be a tiny minority of voters.  No, these GOP politicians are just yanking your chain so that you’ll vote for them one more time so they can maybe get in the majority just a couple more years so they can swing a little more wealth their way one last time.  But you’re used to being used like that, aren’t you?  It’s all good.

Oh – have you heard, the Old Dominion State, the Commonwealth of Virginia, has just joined Arizona in legalized Latino profiling. They didn’t take the legislative route a la SB 1070;  instead rising-teabag-star Attorney General Ken “Cooch” Cuccinelli issued a writ opining that it’s okay for Virginia cops to enforce Federal immigration law.

Oh – that reminds me.  Don’t let me forget to remind you all in early September.  This will be exciting.  Sunday September 12 is going to be “Burn the Confederate Flag Day.”  I really want to organize a good one in Santa Ana or Costa Mesa.  Maybe both.

TOURISM TIPS FROM ARIZONA’S LOVELY GOVERNOR.  The radiant Jan Brewer has really been doing wonders for Arizona’s tourism industry with her constant squawking on national TV about Arizona’s (imaginary) beheadings, kidnappings, and murders. More recently both Arizona’s Senators, McCain and Kyl, have got in on the action, claiming falsely that Phoenix is the “kidnapping capital of America” and loudly lamenting the skyrocketing crime in their lovely state.   Lawmen and other serious people can scratch their heads and protest that crime in Arizona has been doing just the opposite, going steadily down for a decade – but who can argue with success, when Arizona’s tourism industry is just booming due to all this publicity?

Oh, wait.  I was looking at that graph sideways.  I guess it’s just the opposite.  Totally aside from the boycotts by decent people, your average tourist is terrified to take their wife and kids to the hellish death-trap these geniuses portray in the media.  Hey – maybe Costa Mesa Mayor Allan Mansoor was looking at that graph sideways too, when he told the world on FOX News what a terrible plague of illegal immigrant criminals his town is suffering from.  Oh well.  At least I bet he got a lot of campaign donations for his Assembly race, from Minutemen across this great nation.  What a loser.

*

SO many questions!  What does it all mean?  Well, like any young aspiring journalist would do, I asked Lady Gaga. And this is what she had to say:


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.