So last night, over three hundred expectant people showed up at the Laguna Beach City Hall to hear the two 48th-district Congressional candidates – 22-year incumbent Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach) and Democratic challenger Ron Varasteh – square off in a debate sponsored by the League of Women Voters.
Instead, they had to settle for watching Mr. Varasteh debate an empty chair. Crazy Rohrabacher never showed up, and we still haven’t heard an explanation from him.
It’s even worse than that, I can report – October 19 was the date that Dana INSISTED on through his wife/campaign manager Rhonda, after flaking on a previous October 6 commitment.
I’ve always given Dana propsfor being the ONLY OC Congresscritter with the stones to debate their opponent when they didn’t have to (the one exception being Loretta in 2010, who was shamed into debating Van Tran that year by Trannie protesters following her to every appearance in chicken suits.) Now Dana joins the true chickenshits Ed Royce, John Campbell and Darrell Issa … unless he has a damn good explanation, like washing up with his surfboard, blue and bloated.
(Oh. And that would be another shoo-in one-candidate finish brought to you by Prop 14.)
People did wonder, and worry. People are wondering and worrying still. Where the fuck IS the bastard?
For one thing, we know of his addiction to “rogue foreign policy.” Remember where he was right before the 9-11 attacks? Mysteriously, he claims he was meeting with the Taliban. Whatever THAT was all about obviously didn’t turn out so hot.
Right now he’s obsessed with trying to start a war with Iran over oil, by encouraging Azerbaijani separatists. Is THAT what called him so urgently, and secretly, from the debate? That and not having to answer questions about this latest madness, which would certainly have been asked?
Has somebody checked Sirhan Sirhan’s cell? If you remember (and if you don’t you’ll think I’m making it up) he carried his lifelong obsession with the RFK murder to new extremes in 2007 by sneaking into the deranged assassin’s cell disguised as a female human-rights activist and then browbeating the poor schmuck over his conspiracy theories.
Or maybe he’s running around Catalina again like he did two years ago, chasing the Mexican consulate to yell at him for encouraging illegal immigration when the gentleman was just doing his job? Catalina IS still in his district till the end of the year, might as well.
Others who know him well speculate he’s just shitfaced on tequila and hashish somewhere, and/or shoveling food into his face the way he does, while talking a mile a minute and getting chewed-up gobs of cud onto his clothes and interlocutors. Others, who CLAIM to know him even better, wonder if he’s not just off in Mexico trolling for boys again – but you didn’t hear it here!
Pretty much everybody wishes he would have come and debated Ron, if only for the laughs, and the drinking game. You know, the drinking game where you down one EACH TIME he blames a social or economic ill on illegal immigration, which would be even more hilarious now that immigration legal and otherwise has ZEROED OUT, a fact he just can’t compute.
Or to enjoy him pooh-poohing the very idea of global warming after we’ve just suffered through the most miserable 5-month long heat wave ever. Or to marvel at him making jokes about torture. Or to hear him spout such easily refuted whoppers as he did on Bill Maher last time – Ron may be a political novice, but ANY child could bat down such tired old FOX-News canards as his “Obama has GUTTED the military.”
Wherever you are, Dana, CALL HOME! We will print your excuse as soon as we get it. Meanwhile, everyone in coastal OC should consider voting for The Guy Who Shows Up, and would never do any of the crazy shit described above, Ron Varasteh!
Sunday morning update – we’ve just got the first taste of an excuse from Dana. One Jim Fisler writes on Juice-friend Sue Lester’s Facebook page, underneath my story: “this story is bogus. in case anyone cares.”
A wide-eyed Sue responded: “Jim, I care and would hope others do too considering both men are running for election to represent our district. Please share what happened if this article is not accurate. I would appreciate it.”
And Jim lets out the test balloon: “In talking with Dana and Rhonda yesterday, Dana said he was always happy to debate his opponents even though many long time incumbents don’t. But NOT at an event put on by a partisan liberal group like the League of Women Voters. He did not stand them up, they knew he was not coming yet promoted it like he was for the setup of the untruthful story. Hoping some would buy in such as you did.”
What do you all think? It’s totally not true that he ever let them know he wasn’t coming. In fact he insisted on the 19th being the date. And when did the highly respected, strenuously nonpartisan League of Women Voters, who’s put on THOUSANDS of non-biased political debates, become “partisan” and “liberal?” This is utter bullshit! And he’s covering for something embarrassing. You wanna try again Dana? I’m calling your office in the morning.
At least we know he’s still among the living, for better or worse…