Orange County’s Ritual Humiliation, aka Dana Rohrabacher.


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Damn, what schmucks we are here in the OC.  What rubes, what drooling idiots.  It’s surprising we don’t sit and play in traffic more than we do.  Someone should just kill us all, seriously.  You know what I’m talking about, it happens regularly.  The man we keep electing to the Congress, going on 25 years now, has made another of his mortifying, national TV appearances as “the Congressman from Orange County.”  I’m talking of course about Dana Rohrabacher, the most cringe-inducing member of that august body – and yes, I do know who Louie Gohmert is.

Naturally, R Scott Moxley beat me to ridiculing Dana’s Jan. 27 performance on Real Time with Bill Maher.  But I’ve started to notice that Dana doesn’t fart without Moxley immediately blogging about how bad it smelled.  Which is curious, as Scott has also become an unquestioning mouthpiece for other rightwing politicians, like Righeimer, whose politics is pretty indistinguishable from Dana’s.  But yeah, yeah, this isn’t about Moxley…

Remember, didn’t Dana allegedly used to be a libertarian of some sort?  Which is why he would get onto shows like Bill’s in the first place?   There’s nothing remotely libertarian about him any more;   in fact he was being driven crazy by a shrill and slutty libertarian chick mocking him on his right side the whole time.  (She is much more enjoyable once you realize how batshit crazy she drove him.)  He has no sense of humor left either, just the old incredulous eye-rolling grin each time he realizes that everyone in the world doesn’t agree with him.

Supposedly the mutant chipmunk has turned against the Bush/Obama wars – but that never came up, in fact he was bashing Obama for being anti-military.  We all know he’s always smoked lots of pot, and supposedly favors legalization, but that also never came up on the show.  Nothing came out of his mouth but FOX News GOP talking points, delivered as though they were unquestionable gospel.

Speaking of pot, the Costa Mesa City Council chums of this Costa Mesa Congressman have been siccing the Feds on all the local dispensaries, happily handing them names and addresses and getting them raided and arrested.  It’s beginning to seem that the kind of pot legalization guys like Dana favor would drive out small independent farmers and have everything run by a corporation like Monsanto.  You potheads better forget about Dana types as your allies!

Back to the show.  Moxley, and Think Progress, nailed one of the more egregious parts, where Dana insists and insists, impervious to facts, that President Obama is “GUTTING the military.”  He even waves out to the crowd, “Everyone in this audience knows that’s true!”  The audience rightly feels compelled to boo.  Look at Dana.  One, he has spent so much of his time in a little rightwing bubble in the OC/DC that he has no idea what facts are any more.  And two, EVERYONE on the stage – not just the brilliant Maher and Bashir, but the very self-entertained young libertarian radio-host woman “Kennedy,” know much more about the state of our military THAN THIS TWELVE-TERM CONGRESSMAN WHO SITS ON THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON FOREIGN AFFAIRS.

Or maybe he’s just lying, you can never tell with these people.  Video thanks to Think Progress:

But there’s much more, much more to make an Orange County citizen pull out their hair and hide in a hole.

As I remember, at his debates with Debbie and other challengers, we would all laugh really hard when he’d bring up illegal immigration as the reason for nearly every problem – we wouldn’t laugh quite so much the first, second and third time he’d do that, but the fourth, fifth and sixth there would be increasingly more mirth, and by the seventh time the audience would be rolling in the aisles.

And of course he managed to dredge up that topic again on Bill’s show, managing again to show how out of date he was.  The excuse was AZ Governor Brewer’s shrewish finger-wagging at the President which led to Dana observing, “Just like we know Obama and the Democrats want to gut the military, we also know what their immigration policy is – they want more illegal immigrants here.”  Jesus Christ, where to start – first of all, those of us Dems and Republicans who want immigration reform want an easier way for so many people NOT to be illegal – to be documented, paying their taxes, known to law enforcement, and all that.

But the biggest thing is another FACT – a pretty well-known fact, I’d thought, that Dana reacted to as though it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard – immigration, illegal and otherwise, across the Southern border and otherwise, has ZEROED OUT.  This has happened for three reasons:  Obama’s tough immigration policy with record border guards and deportations, our own suck-o economy which isn’t pulling wabs here, and the fact that a lot of things are getting a little better in Mexico.  I can see why Dana can’t fit that into his pumpkin head – the biggest pet issue of his whole career is gone, and he’s left flapping like an empty scrotum in the wind.

In mock-comic outrage his triangular eyebrows hit their zenith over and over.  “If you believe THAT, then…”  And went through his whole routine of how the illegals ruin our education system, ruin our healthcare system, and so on.  After a bit of this, Kennedy The Woman was making funny yawny faces and pointing at him behind his back – I wish I could get a screen shot of that!

Then he really pissed me off by telling Bill Maher “You don’t have kids so you don’t care about our education system.”  Leave aside the miraculous genesis of Dana’s and Rhonda’s glorious triplets – this is a guy who’s done NOTHING for education in his career, and nothing for healthcare either, lecturing the philanthropist Bill Maher for having the good manners and class not to add to our over-population.  And this is the Congress’ biggest torture jester, climate change denier, chickenhawk … oh, I’ll stop but I could really go on much longer.  You could look through my old 2008 pieces on the bat twat.

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My heart was broken in 2008 when even the brilliant and beautiful Debbie Cook, with all the work hundreds of us activists put into her campaign, couldn’t dislodge this turd from the public bowel.  Other worthy candidates have given it their best shot, before and since.  If this polyp gets his thirteenth term this year, then – and I selflessly include myself in this – Orange County must be obliterated.  Razed to the ground.  Not a stone left standing.  Delenda est.  Mowed down in our “prime.”  Sayonara.

Just a few pieces from the Orange Juice archives:


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.