Arpaio’s Comin’ To Town! (doggerel)




Hey Minutemidgets have you heard?
Ye skinheads gather ’round!
All OC racists, spread the word:
Arpaio’s comin’ to town!
He comes to rally up the troops
(with cocktail weenies later)
and give a boost to Billy Hunt,
the toast of every hater!
For Bill is blest with true belief
that, once you truly know Joe,
he’s got what Orange County needs:
Where dignity is just for whites,
and privacy be damned,
and Sheriffs do just what they please,
the Law of their own Land.

Just what does Hunt admire so much
about old Joe Arpaio?
(Much more than any sheriff
from El Paso to Ohio?)
The lawlessness? Corruption?
The political vendettas?
The endless massive lawsuits Arizona’s forced to settle?
The showboating celebrity,
is that what brings him here?
Come come, nudge nudge, wink wink, you know:
The “dog-whistle” is clear –
Ignoring child rapists while pursuing his true passion:
“It’s the Ethnic Cleansing, Stupid” with the profilin’ and bashin’!

Michelle Quinn danced an Irish jig
and landed arse-on-ground;
the Grate One slew the fatted pig
– Arpaio’s comin’ to town! –
the “dead white male” burst ope his grave,
and, gaunt in flowing gown,
did a Zombie Walk to Costa M.
to cheer that brutal clown –
Arpaio’s back in town!

Our Fringer friends fell strangely mute
– Huntistas to the end –
even call Bill “Libertarian”
Yup that’s what they pretend 🙂
Some champion of liberties,
this Joe Arpaio thug –
his lawlessness and murders
they just pass off with a shrug;
As long as Travis keeps his guns
and Tony keeps his bong,
they’ll blink at all the bashing
even tho’ they know it’s wrong.
What happened to that interview?
I merely wonder why, oh,
the brakes were hit before they broached
the topic of Arpaio.

“You know,” Jim Gilchrist mumbled in his nice South County home,
while polishing his buttons till they shone like newest chrome,
“I AM the King of Minutemen, I REALLY need to be there.”
But still his stomach clenched while thinking just who he might see there.
“I hope I can avoid,” he sighed, as he prepared to go there,
“my stinky-drunken nemesis, that awful Barbara Coe there.”

Across the Santa Ana, the Costello to Jim’s Abbott,
The shriveled Coe prepared herself to leave, but, true to habit,
Before she grabbed her car keys Barbara tossed six whiskeys down,
THEN hauled-ass out of Huntington to hug that racist clown:
ARPAIO! Joe Payaso, old Arpaio’s back in town!

“It’s MY town,” young Mansoor minced,
“and I really should look nifty!”
(that unemployed policeman
with his three-percent-at-fifty)
He tried on this, he tried on that,
then glancing toward the hall
where his admiring partner stood,
he reached up to the wall,
pulled down a cape and hood
and put them on and gave a wink,
and giggled, “Come on, Martin, honest,
tell me what you think!”
Then laughed the white supremacist,
“It’s very fetching, dear,
but voters aren’t quite ready for that look.
Perhaps next year.”

They poured in by the dozen, all the haters of OC,
punks and angry yuppies in their brand new SUV, 😛
skinheads, neo-Nazis, and the psychopathic tweekers
“Bill, can we be your stormtroopers?” they called out from the bleachers.
On hearing that, the sheriff-hopeful’s heart swelled up with pride,
And, Strangelove-like, he forced his hand to stay down by his side;
Mansoor, not so successful, saw his hand shoot toward the sky – oh,
the belly laughs that then belched forth from Sheriff Joe Arpaio!

But hark! that distant thunder! Who invited such a mob?
The ICEmen posted at the door are screwing up their job!
They stood there watching helplessly as both the doors came down;
Their knees click-clacked like castanets to view that sea of Brown,
Of Brown, of White, of Otherwise, and, with a roaring sound
the People of the County cried “We don’t want you around!”
Then Bill Hunt blanched, and hissed to Joe, with mouth just barely open,
“Hey Joe, you need a deputy in sunny Maricopa?”
And, sizing up his options then, the toughest sheriff, Joe,
Turned heel and exited stage right, new Deputy in tow.
And up there rose a mighty cheer, ’twas heard for miles ’round:

Bill Hunt Rally with Sheriff Joe Arpayo

Saturday, April 24, 2010 – 10:00am
Sutra, 1870 Harbor Blvd, Costa Mesa, CA, 92627 – See map: Google Maps
Cost: $25


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at, or 714-235-VERN.