The 1st Supervisorial District race has been completely beat to death by local bloggers and media…but we still don’t know what has been happening at the Trung Nguyen headquarters…or do we?
(Scene: Trung Nguyen world headquarters/video rental store/computer repair store/massage clinic)
Trannie #1: (Speaking to Trannie #2) Well, it looks like Janet has won.
Trannie #2: Never! (waves arms wildly) She will never win – we will crush her! Just wait until Darth Schroeder wins the lawsuit!
(Ding – the front door tone sounds as someone enters Trung’s lair)
Trannie #1: Great Buddha’s Ghost – it’s Lord Tran, Darth Schroeder and Master Trung! (falls to knees and prostrates himself)
Trannie #2: Aye! (Also falls down and prostrates himself)
(Ding! The front door swings open again, wildly, and smashes into a cardboard Trung cutout as Mark Leyes stumbles into the lair)
Trung Nguyen: Mark, it is good to have you with us now.
Mark Leyes: Mmmm (mumbles something and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, sending Dorito’s fragments flying everywhere)
Van Tran: So Mark, in your experience do you think that we can overturn the recount?
Mark Leyes: Yesssh. (Slurs a bit as he swallows). I did the math. Janet actually has less votes now than when she started! (Audible gasps are heard and one of the Trannies faints).
Mike Schroeder: What do you mean Mark? (Waves his hand at the fallen Trannie and levetates him by using the dark side of the force – he then sets him down on a chair, where he slumps backward).
Mark Leyes: Simple. It’s like when I went on a diet last year. I ended up gaining weight instead of losing it. So I had more pounds in the end than what I started with.
Trannie #2: That makes no sense – it sounds like the reverse of Janet’s votes! (His eyes suddenly swell and he starts to clutch at his throat as an invisible force crushes him into the wall)
Van Tran: Stop it Mike! Put him down. He’s right. Leyes’ analogy makes no sense.
Mark Leyes: Whatever. Bottom line is that Trung had more votes before the recount than Janet did – therefore he wins!
Trung Nguyen: Yes! I knew it! (Grins crazily and poses).
Mike Schroeder: Never mind all that. We are going forward with the lawsuit. That is what matters.
Van Tran: Did you ask Moorlach to postpone the swearing in of Janet?
Mike Schroeder: Yes. He is still mad at Janet for co-endorsing Dave Shawver. He will do what we tell him to.
Van Tran: What about Chris Norby?
Mike Schroeder: Not good. He recently dressed up as George Washington – and he is still running around in costume (more audible gasps are heard).
Van Tran: No! That means he will have to be honest and not chop down the cherry tree.
Mark Leyes: Cherry pie?
Everyone: No!!!
Van Tran: Damn it Mark – stop thinking about food! This is important!
Mark Leyes: Sorry. (Points at fainted Trannie #1) Are you guys saving him for later?
Mike Schroeder: For crying out loud Mark! Here’s twenty bucks – there’s a 7-11 next door. Go stuff yourself and come back in half an hour.
Mark Leyes: Yes! (Stumbles out)
Van Tran: So sad.
Mike Schroeder: Yes, but he has his uses. Now if Matt dumps him from Red County, then yes, we will have to send him to the sausage factory (everyone shudders at the thought).
Trung Nguyen: Hey guys, what about Carlos Bustamante? I hear he is going to go Dem. Do you think he will run again for the 1st in two years?
Mike Schroeder: No, Art Pedroza was right about him. He’s done. If he goes Dem he will just be done in two parties.
Trung Nguyen: Well, that’s good. What about Tim Whitacre – he maybe could help us now, don’t you think?
Everyone: Hell no!!!
(Ring! The telephone rings as a call comes in. Trannie #2 answers it)
Trannie #2: Hello? This is Trung headquarters. How can I help you?
Martin Wisckol: Hi! This is Martin from the Register. Is Van Tran there?
Trannie #2: Yes – here he is. (Hands the phone to Tran).
Van Tran: Martin! How are you?
Martin Wisckol: I’m great. Just wanted to ask you how I should start my story about the lawsuit.
Van Tran: How about “It was only a matter of time before the issue went to court, and this appears to be the right time…”
Martin Wisckol: Damn! That sounds great! I’ll do it! Talk to you later!
Van Tran: Love that guy! He can’t get enough of me!
Mike Schroeder: Yes, the Register reporters are great tools!
Trung Nguyen: Fire in the belly!
Van Tran: Oh crap, that’s enough of that Trung. Go wash my car.
Trung Nguyen: Yes master…(ambles out the door dejectedly).
Van Tran: So Mike, let’s crank call Janet again!
Mike Schroeder: Yes! This time I’ll tell her I’m Tony Rackauckas!
Van Tran: Oh yes, you have his voice nailed down – here’ s my phone. (Hands his phone to Mike, who starts dialing).
(Before Mike can finish, there is a huge crash outside and someone starts yelling “Get in my belly!”)
Van Tran: Uh oh!
Mike Schroeder: I should have
given him $40!
Van Tran: Well, at least we gave him a job…
The end?
Fat jokes, Art?
How old are you?
What is ironic Matt is that Art isn’t so small himself.
It looks like Art finally found someone bigger than himself to pick on.
Poster 2,
That would be a great spoof! Imagine if me, Sean, Luis and Thomas joined Mark Leyes at one of those “all-you -can-eat” Chinese Buffets in Santa Ana? Holy smokes! Hide the chop suey!
Matt,
I’m 39 – I’m in my comic prime!
Lighten up. You are WAY too serious about politics…
Why is Matt/Jubal always so uptight? Someone please unwad his panties. It seems their all bunched up again!
Matt is right Art
Knock off the Leyes fat jokes….move on to the bad breath, dresses like a slob and hair looks like an oil slick jokes.
This was priceless- Great Job Art !!!!
Hey pal
Lay off our best customer
Mark
Using your less is more math skills, will you come to work for us
Imagine if me, Sean, Luis and Thomas joined Mark Leyes at one of those “all-you -can-eat” Chinese Buffets in Santa Ana
What time?????
Matt at least we all know this is a joke – unlike your blog, you seem to be fine with all the lies that Leyes writes about. So take a chill pill.
“I’m 39 – I’m in my comic prime!”
Did you meant: “I’m 39 – I’m in my bipolar prime!”?
Okay, as long as it all in good fun.
Scene: Janet Nguyen Headquarters
Janet: When I am sworn in I’m going to announce a task force that will close all Asian Massage parlors.
Art: You can’t do that. I was so interested in the massage parlor that I visited one last week.
Ryan: Which one?
Art: The one at the corner of Euclid and Lampson. It was a great experience. I signed up for a annual memebership.
Mr Feather (Speaking to Janet) Well, it looks like you won. How about getting my daughter to replace you on the Garden Grove council.
Janet: “Never! I said I would appoint her to a county commission besides I’m looking to get a Vietnamese replacement that will be my protege not some chubby white bread. I didn’t mean that chubby or the white bread remark, I just got to stop hangin with Art P. and my consultant.
Art: “Did someone call me?”
Janet: No, No one called you Art.
Art: I wish that massage parlor would stop calling my cell and ask for the money I owe them. I told them last week that I don’t tip. Janet, How do you say in Vietnamese, “no tipping”
Ryan Gene: Well, didn’t that MexiCan call you yesterday and thank you for your endorsement. Did you get that message?
Janet: Dam Mexican! Anybody up for for Taco Bell for Lunch.
Art: Your talking about Benny! He’s a good guy but I would lose him in a crowd at the Home Depot parking lot.
Janet: Ha, Ha , Ha. Good one Art. Ryan, Do you know what you call a Mexcan who supports me?
Ryan: Uh,mm How about Art!
Janet: No, idiot It’s someone who 99% of my supporters would want to lynch to a tree and kick to the border.
Ryan: That’s Art.
Janet: That’s right Art has a hispanic name.
Art: Anyways, I got to get home because a new episode of “Queer eye for the Straight guy” is on tonight.
Janet: Art , You are so Metro-sexual!
Art: Thank You, It’s the new me. I appreciate all lifestyles but admit that I’m straight as an arrow.
Ryan: Speak for yourself, Art. By the way you look fabulous. What hair spray do you use?
Janet staffer: Janet, Tan Nguyen called
Janet: Tell him, just send his application and I’ll put him on my staff.
Part 2 tommorow
(Ding – the front door tone sounds as someone enters Trung’s lair)
Poster 12,
It’s not as easy as it looks, is it? BTW, for satire to really be effective you have to use your real name. When you post satire anonymously you aren’t risking anything.
Also, when you ground satire in reality, it is a lot funnier. Again, it is not easy to write good satire, but if you practice, you might be able to keep up with me…eventually.
Jubal wears panties?
“When you post satire anonymously you aren’t risking anything.” said Art.
When you post satire under your name or use protected speech you are risking that this idiot will not post it or will ridicule you.
Art forced me to use <satire on>, <satire off> directives so he can understand it.
This idiot together with rest of OJ Bolsheviks never understood satire of Ed Gonzalo.
Art never understood my satiric tourettes syndrome.
FYI Art, “Ed Gonzalo” is pseudonym not antonym.
Lighten up. You are WAY too serious about politics…
And what does a person’s weight have to do with politics?
I’m sure all the kiddies in here get a good snicker out of the fat jokes. Regardless of how one justifies it, it isn’t clever or sophisticated. It’s just juvenile in every sense of the word.
Art, you’ve shown a real talent for satire, but like your posts in general, it gets overshadowed by the bile you feel toward certain people.
Pretty unfair comment to make of Marty W. Better to leave parody to professional comedians. This ditty might work for the new Fox News comedy show Sunday nights.
#12,
Why do Art and Ryan come out looking like a metro-gay duo?
Do you not like them? What’s the beef, eh?
#18
My understanding of being metro sexual is not about being gay. It’s appreciating the gay lifestyle and adopting some of its norms(i.e. talk, clothing, walk) without have a sexual relations with another from the same sex.
The only beef I have with Art is that he supports someone whose campain Lit. indicates that she has no problem being supported by people who hate Art P. and his mexican heritage family.
Part Two of my satire will follow Art’s next Satire about Trung campaign
Jubal—I agree that Art’s fat jokes are unfortunate and overdone(after the first comment it went flat). But was it ok for Curt to zing Mark with a fat joke at the election day lunch?