The Trung empire strikes back!

The 1st Supervisorial District race has been completely beat to death by local bloggers and media…but we still don’t know what has been happening at the Trung Nguyen headquarters…or do we?

(Scene: Trung Nguyen world headquarters/video rental store/computer repair store/massage clinic)

Trannie #1: (Speaking to Trannie #2) Well, it looks like Janet has won.

Trannie #2: Never! (waves arms wildly) She will never win – we will crush her! Just wait until Darth Schroeder wins the lawsuit!

(Ding – the front door tone sounds as someone enters Trung’s lair)

Trannie #1: Great Buddha’s Ghost – it’s Lord Tran, Darth Schroeder and Master Trung! (falls to knees and prostrates himself)

Trannie #2: Aye! (Also falls down and prostrates himself)

(Ding! The front door swings open again, wildly, and smashes into a cardboard Trung cutout as Mark Leyes stumbles into the lair)

Trung Nguyen: Mark, it is good to have you with us now.

Mark Leyes: Mmmm (mumbles something and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, sending Dorito’s fragments flying everywhere)

Van Tran: So Mark, in your experience do you think that we can overturn the recount?

Mark Leyes: Yesssh. (Slurs a bit as he swallows). I did the math. Janet actually has less votes now than when she started! (Audible gasps are heard and one of the Trannies faints).

Mike Schroeder: What do you mean Mark? (Waves his hand at the fallen Trannie and levetates him by using the dark side of the force – he then sets him down on a chair, where he slumps backward).

Mark Leyes: Simple. It’s like when I went on a diet last year. I ended up gaining weight instead of losing it. So I had more pounds in the end than what I started with.

Trannie #2: That makes no sense – it sounds like the reverse of Janet’s votes! (His eyes suddenly swell and he starts to clutch at his throat as an invisible force crushes him into the wall)

Van Tran: Stop it Mike! Put him down. He’s right. Leyes’ analogy makes no sense.

Mark Leyes: Whatever. Bottom line is that Trung had more votes before the recount than Janet did – therefore he wins!

Trung Nguyen: Yes! I knew it! (Grins crazily and poses).

Mike Schroeder: Never mind all that. We are going forward with the lawsuit. That is what matters.

Van Tran: Did you ask Moorlach to postpone the swearing in of Janet?

Mike Schroeder: Yes. He is still mad at Janet for co-endorsing Dave Shawver. He will do what we tell him to.

Van Tran: What about Chris Norby?

Mike Schroeder: Not good. He recently dressed up as George Washington – and he is still running around in costume (more audible gasps are heard).

Van Tran: No! That means he will have to be honest and not chop down the cherry tree.

Mark Leyes: Cherry pie?

Everyone: No!!!

Van Tran: Damn it Mark – stop thinking about food! This is important!

Mark Leyes: Sorry. (Points at fainted Trannie #1) Are you guys saving him for later?

Mike Schroeder: For crying out loud Mark! Here’s twenty bucks – there’s a 7-11 next door. Go stuff yourself and come back in half an hour.

Mark Leyes: Yes! (Stumbles out)

Van Tran: So sad.

Mike Schroeder: Yes, but he has his uses. Now if Matt dumps him from Red County, then yes, we will have to send him to the sausage factory (everyone shudders at the thought).

Trung Nguyen: Hey guys, what about Carlos Bustamante? I hear he is going to go Dem. Do you think he will run again for the 1st in two years?

Mike Schroeder: No, Art Pedroza was right about him. He’s done. If he goes Dem he will just be done in two parties.

Trung Nguyen: Well, that’s good. What about Tim Whitacre – he maybe could help us now, don’t you think?

Everyone: Hell no!!!

(Ring! The telephone rings as a call comes in. Trannie #2 answers it)

Trannie #2: Hello? This is Trung headquarters. How can I help you?

Martin Wisckol: Hi! This is Martin from the Register. Is Van Tran there?

Trannie #2: Yes – here he is. (Hands the phone to Tran).

Van Tran: Martin! How are you?

Martin Wisckol: I’m great. Just wanted to ask you how I should start my story about the lawsuit.

Van Tran: How about “It was only a matter of time before the issue went to court, and this appears to be the right time…”

Martin Wisckol: Damn! That sounds great! I’ll do it! Talk to you later!

Van Tran: Love that guy! He can’t get enough of me!

Mike Schroeder: Yes, the Register reporters are great tools!

Trung Nguyen: Fire in the belly!

Van Tran: Oh crap, that’s enough of that Trung. Go wash my car.

Trung Nguyen: Yes master…(ambles out the door dejectedly).

Van Tran: So Mike, let’s crank call Janet again!

Mike Schroeder: Yes! This time I’ll tell her I’m Tony Rackauckas!

Van Tran: Oh yes, you have his voice nailed down – here’ s my phone. (Hands his phone to Mike, who starts dialing).

(Before Mike can finish, there is a huge crash outside and someone starts yelling “Get in my belly!”)

Van Tran: Uh oh!

Mike Schroeder: I should have
given him $40!

Van Tran: Well, at least we gave him a job…

The end?

About Admin

"Admin" is just editors Vern Nelson, Greg Diamond, or Ryan Cantor sharing something that they mostly didn't write themselves, but think you should see. Before December 2010, "Admin" may have been former blog owner Art Pedroza.