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“Mmmmmphh?” “Mmmph mmph.” “Mph mph mmmmph??” “Mmmph Mmmph.” “MMMMPH!! Mph.”

Chief Dan George famously declaimed, in Little Big Man, “It is a good day to die!”  And we at the Orange Juice Blog declared, last Tuesday, May 31, that it was “a good day for Teh STOOPID!”

First thing we heard that day, the UCI College Republicans let us know they were planning another stunt…

Wait!  Come back, kids!  THIS time I LIKE your stunt, I think.  (They’re too butt-hurt to talk to me after last time I wrote about ’em.)

Like I was saying, their plan Tuesday was to hand out a hundred BABY PACIFIERS as a protest against campus political correctness run amok – something I find myself agreeing with them on.  Sounds like they’re planning – oh, it’s TONIGHT, and are they excited! – to have some obnoxious gay conservative provocateur named Milo Yiannopoulos come to their university at 7 and say things they hope and expect to be upsetting to great numbers of their fellow students.   

The Register reports that this fellow likes to say things like “he ‘chose to be gay’ to irritate his parents. He calls feminism ‘a cancer.’ He labels white, straight men the most maligned and demonized in society. And his words describing these and other opinions are considered by many not so politically correct.”

But as dumb and reprehensible as all that is, I agree with the “CRUCI” that college is the last place young adults should expect to be kept “safe” from nonsense like this – how else do you learn to combat it, and be sure of your own position?  They even quote President Obama approvingly on this question (and for the record, I’ve always loved the tactic of quoting someone you usually disagree with on the rare occasion they DO agree with you – ever since Bush I quoted Amnesty International on the atrocities of Saddam.)

“I’ve heard of some college campuses where they don’t want to have a guest speaker who is too conservative. Or they don’t want to read a book if it has language that is offensive to African Americans, or somehow sends a demeaning signal towards women  …   I’ve got to tell you, I don’t agree with that either. I don’t agree that you, when you become students at colleges, have to be coddled and protected from different points of views.” President Obama, September 2015

Couple little things though – the CRUCI ridicule campus liberals for demanding what they call a “safe space” where they don’t have to be subjected to such offensive drivel as spews from Milo’s lips.  BUT in their previous press release, just three days earlier, the College Republicans were so worried about the possibility of disruptive or violent reactions from their schoolmates that they were DEMANDING SPECIAL SECURITY for Mr. Yiannopoulos.  Yes, they were demanding a “safe space” away from “safe spaces.”  A little confusing, a bit of a mixed message.

The other problem, that Stoopid Tueday past, was that they said nothing about, and as far as I know haven’t even thought about, saving out two pacifiers for our useless senile DA Tony Rackauckas and his snotty and juvenile spokeshole Susan Kang Schroeder.  (My apologies to CRUCI if I’m wrong about that.)

Cuz you see, just a couple hours after the CRUCI press release came one from our county’s “Department of Justice” – a hasty last-minute one summoning us journalists to a press conference where it was promised the dynamic duo would blow the lid off the “recent impersonation of an OCDA assistant district attorney by an Orange County elected official while engaging in a political campaign.”

Me, Ryan, Greg, all immediately said to each other “How damn stoopid,” and “Of all the things they could be focusing on,” and started to theorize what the hell they meant.  The image of some judicial or assembly candidate bringing down the house with a spot-on perfect “impersonation” of one of Tony’s hapless, corrupt, jailhouse-snitch-coddling ADA’s, passed through all our heads.  But I said, “It’s probably just someone running for office who USED to be an ADA, someone Tony and Susan hate now, who forgot once to call himself ‘FORMER.’  It reminds me of their childlike feud against Todd Spitzer a few years ago.”

As it turned out I was really damn close – it WAS about Supervisor Spitzer, who put out a robocall recently including the line “I always play by the rules. As an assistant district attorney, I know that many politicians do not.” – inadvertently leaving out the word “former.”  Anyone who gives a flying fig about local politics KNOWS that Todd is a Supervisor, and not currently any kind of DA.

How long will T-Rack and S-Kang keep up this childish vendetta against Todd, and how long will any journalists keep showing up to hear their next bitching session about him?  We know that S-Kang is a press secretary who hates the press, and just continues to make that clear – how much longer does she keep her job?  And most importantly, can someone check to MAKE DOUBLE SURE that that stake in the heart of her being Tony’s replacement is still sturdily in place?  She will NEVER be missed.

And then Todd, showing his great maturity, responded with a Trump-style alliterative insult, repeating in HIS statement the hoped-for catch-phrase “Terrible Tony.”

Oh. My. God.

We are ruled by children.

Children with guns.