Feel a song coming on… “The Ballad of JOE THE PLUMBER!”


Hey! I’m the greatest Plumber in O-hi-O,
the most famous Plumber in the nation!
Don’t need no stinkin’ license,
licenses for pussies,
all I need’s my PLUNGER and a wrench!
So they won’t let me plumb in Toledo
– Toledo’s for pussies too! –
Made 40 grand last year and I believe I’ll buy my boss’s shop,
You see me punk Obama on TV?  Yeah!
Not sure what he said to me but I know one thing –
Had him tap-dancin’ like Sammy Davis Junior,
shuckin’ and jivin’ like James Brown
and moonwalkin’ like the King of Pop,
that taxin’ Muslim terrorist!
Iraq had it comin’, these colors don’t run,
pry my plunger from my cold dead hands,
I’m JOE THE PLUMBER! (girls: Joe the Plumber!)
Don’t wanna pay no taxes never! (girls: Even if he get rich!)
I’m JOE THE PLUMBER! (girls: Can’t get no dumber!)
And I’m the last best hope of John McCain!
(Joe plays guitar solo)

OK, it still needs work…


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.