“Please allow me to introduce myself…”


“….I’m not a man of wealth and taste.”

Give me time and I just may be….wealthy that is.  As far as good or refined taste goes,  I lost that years ago.

The editor of this website states that he wants to profile some of the newest bloggers on the Orange Juice.  Since I don’t claim to be a “journalist,” perform verbal fellatio on Irvine politicians with myopic fawning and don’t equate stalking with reporting, I think I may fit in here just fine in the blogosphere’s version of the “Land of Misfit Toys.”   A label that we should all wear with pride.

Speaking of wardrobe accessories, I was watching a DVD of the 1983 Sugar Bowl between Georgia and Penn State.  The most impressive part of that game, outside of the ass whipping that Joe Paterno, Todd Blackledge and Curt Warner gave Herschel Walker and the Bulldogs, were the nice gold ABC Sports blazers donned by media fashionistas Jim Lampley, Keith Jackson and Frank Broyles.  Which gives me an idea.  Since we have unlimited resources here at the OJ,  I think the powers that be should invest in some blaze orange blazers with the OJB logo on the left breast pocket for all of our commentators.

Before our editor suffers another coronary because of my never ending stream of outrageous claims and muckraking (which he claims to be influenced by long term cannabis use),  let me proceed with the pleasantries and the introduction of yours truly.

***AHEM!!!!*** (cough, cough, cough)  In honor of the self-righteous, the self-absorbed and former US Senator Bob Dole,  I shall refer to myself in the 3rd person.

Guy Fawkes is a voluntaryist, left-libertarian who lives in America’s Most Gentrified and Safest Corporatist City: Irvine, CA.  At least that’s what Emporer for Life Larry Agran wants us to believe.  He is dismayed at the fact that the tranquil and idyllic scenery of orange groves and strawberry fields of the town that he grew up and lives in has been replaced by big box strip malls, arrogant out of state transplant adults and kids who walk around with a sense of entitlement and an inept city government whose only purpose is to serve the whims of their corporate welfare masters:  The Irvine Company.

Guy does not drink alcohol, consume any hard drugs or smoke cigarettes.  He does proudly proclaim that he does partake in the use of cannabis, a safer form of recreation than beer pong, beer bongs and quarters.  Not afraid to be out of the cannabis closet, he proudly proclaims: “I smoke pot and I like it.”  Guy believes that our government’s War on Drugs is the biggest domestic policy failure of all time and that the only way to stop the violence in our streets and reduce use among our youth is to legalize all drugs and sell them at retail outlets like BevMo, 7-11 and Big Lots.

Among Guy’s other views, pet peeves, dislikes and lack of social graces:

1)     Guy is anti-war and anti-imperialist.  He believes that our involvement in the affairs of other countries has put us into the economic mess that we are currently in.  He believes that foreign aid should end and we should close our overseas bases since the Japanese, Koreans and Germans can fend for themselves.

2)     Believes in an open borders immigration policy and the repeal of NAFTA.

3)     Has no time for political apologists of all stripes

4)     Believes in marriage equality to the point that marriage licensure and government’s overreaching role in a contractual matter between two consenting adults should be abolished

5)     Can’t stand racists, but will defend their right to act like total jackasses

6)     People who pay lip service to a cause (i.e. the keyboard activists at TheFibOC)

7)     Repeal of the Patriot Act, FISA and the complete abolition of the Department of Homeland Security and the Transportation Security Administration

8)     Dislikes people who use tired and boring clichés and statements like “teachable moment” “wouldn’t you step in front of a bus for your kids,” or people that play depressing music during a political rally or protest.

9)     Dislikes people who pick on people with disabilities.

10)  Dislikes people who make a mockery of religion (i.e. Rick Warren, the cabal at TBN and Liberty University)

11)  Dislikes alcoholics and boorish people.  That means he will never get invited to Drinking Liberally, the Santa Ana event that is attended by TheFibOC wet brains.  Instead he will hold a monthly event that is a safer alternative called Toking for Liberty.  Guy says that Dan Countchoculaski and his crew are more than welcome to take partake in the second hand contact highs and write up commentaries of feigned disdain over the dangers of this event.   That will be seen after their hit pieces on Supervisor Shawn Nelson and apologetic defenses of Red County blogger/outer of underage sex abuse victims/county government leech Matthew J. “Jerbal” Cunningham.

12)  Really wants to meet Fullerton Mayor F. Richard Jones (aka Doc Hee Haw) for his own sheer amusement

Guy’s favorite writers and bloggers include:

1)     Hunter S. Thompson

2)     Glenn Greenwald

3)     Judge Andrew Napolitano

4)     Gustavo Arellano

5)     Thomas L. Knapp and Kevin Carson from Center for a Stateless Society (www.c4ss.org)

6)     Sheldon Richman

7)     Allan Bartlett

Any other inquires about Guy or for scheduling of public appearances, public disturbances or general muckraking at an Irvine City Council/Great Park Board meeting, please contact Vern Nelson or Duane Roberts.  He is also looking for a Lazlo type sidekick that shares his passion for wild mood swings and pissing people off.   Please contact the aforementioned two for more information since he cannot be bothered with the menial task of screening prospective candidates.

About Guy Fawkes