Orange Juice Blog launches ‘Operation Keep Arizona Honest.’

Fans and foes of Arizona’s SB 1070 alike keep surprising me by not being aware of one remarkable feature of the bill.  I’m not making this up:  Arizona citizens are encouraged to sue the state if they observe officers of the law neglecting to check the documentation of anyone who reaonably looks like they could be an undocumented immigrant.  I figure that given Arizona’s official 12% unemployment rate (which of course really means 1/4 of Arizonans unemployed) this can’t help but create a whole new class of busybody opportunists looking to make a fortune off keeping AZ’s cops honest.

So sitting around the weekly Orange Juice staff meeting this morning, we hit upon what we believe will be a win-win-win idea.  Arizonans may feel they have too many Mexicans;  well here at the blog we have too many anti-Mexican commenters, and we also need more funds to continue our great services to the community.  So next week we are going to begin sponsoring extended Arizona trips to our most outspoken xenophobes, beginning with Michelle Quinn and the Grate One, to help enforce SB 1070 with lawsuits and share their litigious earnings with the blog!

Prolific anti-Mexican OJ commenter The Grate One, ready for action!

This is what we’re proposing:  We only need about $500 to send Quinn and Grate – other commenters could follow later – as the advance force of “OJ Enforcers:  Team Arizona.” (Art is working on uniforms right now.)  As the money begins to roll in from their lawsuits – surely there are many AZ police who won’t be applying the law as wholeheartedly as they should, particularly those of Hispanic descent – we will be paid back in full, and from that point will receive 50% of their earnings to help us in our groundbreaking investigative reporting. With this duo’s keen ability to detect mobs of illegals around every corner, we should soon be swimming in cash!

THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE:  We expect a concise weekly report back from Quinn and Grate, but NOT MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK.  No more babbling nonstop on the comment threads – this is a serious job, not some Matt-Cunningham makework scam.  And there are other reasons they should be happy in Arizona:  Quinn complains taxes are too high here, and also that ALL California gubernatorial candidates are opposing the AZ law.  In Arizona they can have both lower taxes, and a choice between numerous candidates vying with each other for more draconian immigration stances!

Michelle Quinn celebrates her new calling as an OJ Enforcer!

On a serious note, you haven’t heard me bitch too much about the Arizona law.  I think it’s wrong and crazy and will be found unconstitutional, but I also know that the state is in the crossfire of a vicious, bloody drug war centered around the border, and I can’t prescribe how they should deal with that.  (Plus my Army brother, visiting from Fort Huachaca AZ, swears to the unlikely story that the AZ legislature is simply trying to force Washington to enact immigration reform.)

What IS extremely offensive and disturbing to me, is Orange County residents celebrating the AZ law and calling for similar measures here – here where we have nothing like the crime and problems AZ is having.  Not even in the same ballpark.  Their enthusiasm, caught in Quinn’s Irish jig above, can only be explained by racial animus.  Hatred of Mexicans that is.  Off to Arizona with you!

About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official political troubadour of Anaheim and most other OC towns. Regularly makes solo performances, sometimes with his savage-jazz band The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at, or 714-235-VERN.