HB: "White People Are Special!" (Pt. V of V)

OK, finally, what really bothers me most about this proposal is: The City Council Chamber is a temple of democracy, and should be as open and welcoming as possible to every citizen, regardless of race or CREED. This is especially important during this time in history when political participation is languishing. It’s probably true that the majority of folks in this town feel perfectly comfortable with the phrase “In God We Trust” – they are, or pretend to be, Christians, Jews or Muslims. As am I, obviously.

But many of our citizenry are Buddhists, Hindus or Wiccans, who believe in a different God or gods, many are atheists who believe in no God or agnostics who aren’t sure. And they would be quite noticeably excluded by putting this sign up in their city council chambers.

And I can just hear the measure’s backers saying “Oh, but it makes us feel good and we’re the majority,” just like some commenters on this blog are saying already. And this makes me get mad, and when I get mad I get into Jonathan Swift Modest-Proposal mode, which I am going to do at the council meeting tomorrow night.

I’ll start my speech noting accurately that I’m a Mater Dei graduate, a church musician, and a member of St. Bonaventure Catholic Parish. Then I will heap praise on the measure and ridicule on those who worry about its exlusivity. From there I’ll launch into a new proposal:

…But I think we should go even further, and I want to propose a second monument to be put up next to the God Icon. I was thinking, the majority of us in this town are also white—I know I am, and I can see all of you are, so I think you’d agree, it would be really great to put up a huge plaque here reading “WHITE PEOPLE ARE SPECIAL!” Unconstitutional? I hardly think so—us white folks WROTE the Constitution!

And it’s totally positive too, it doesn’t say anything bad about citizens of this town who may not be white, does it? I mean, some of my best friends are Mexican, Asian, black, whatever, and if this plaque makes them feel excluded they can just ignore it, right? I mean, what can it hurt to remind them who the Majority is?

So I’d like to unveil the “White People Are Special!” plaque. I can have this made in ivory, alabaster and marble for half the cost of the God Icon. Check it out, this is so cool. (I’ll pass it around the council later but right now I want the TV audience to see it.)

…As you can see it incorporates pictures of some very remarkable white people from all walks of life and political stripes: Rock musician Edgar Winter! Liberal talk show celebrity Phil Donahue! Former British PM Margaret Thatcher! Beloved Brady Bunch actress Florence Henderson! And most importantly of all, our wonderful Congressman Dana Rohrabacher, to whom I would like to dedicate this masterpiece!

Then, just to be safe, because you never know, I will add:

OK, just in case any of you are satire-impaired, that was a speech AGAINST the proposal. I AM a Christian, that part’s true. But this proposal is un-American, un-Christian, politically manipulative, exclusive toward far too many citizens in a way that’s totally inappropriate for this temple of democracy, and a bad idea that’s unworthy of Mr. Carchio and Mrs. Green.

And also I’d like to think we Huntington Beach residents are better and smarter than some knuckle-dragging tweekers from Bakersfield.

Thank you.

“Yeah! I like it!”

The Huntington Beach City Council will be meeting Monday night (April 7) at 6 at City Hall, Yorktown and Main Street, and discussing this issue probably around 7:30. If you’d like to speak it’s best to get there by 6 to sign up — you don’t really have to be a Huntington Beach resident! Make up your own speech but feel free to take anything you want from my first four posts – I just call dibs on the White People Are Special plaque.

pt 1. In God We Trust vs. E Pluribus Unum

pt 2. What Would Jesus Do

pt 3. In GOP We Trust

pt 4. In Gold We Trust


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.