Earth Day celebrated today in Santa Ana

Santa Ana Mayor Miguel Pulido and his fellow City Council Members celebrated Earth Day today in Santa Ana. Activities included:

• Washing Mayor Pulido’s cars – using no water, only sweat generated by hundreds of immigrants who Pulido told would be receiving amnesty if they participated in his Earth Day activities. Strangely, ICE vans showed up just as the immigrants were wrapping up their work. Former Pulido library board appointee Lupe Moreno, a noted Minuteman, suddenly appeared and sang a rousing rendition of “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” as she waved a large American flag and used her middle fingers to tell the immigrants that they are number one, as they were being dragged off in chains by ICE agents.
• A number of vegetarian hippies were tagged and released in downtown Santa Ana last night. Only one was found alive today. The rest have disappeared and their GPS tags are no longer functioning. The survivor was given a “Soylent Green is People” t-shirt autographed by Santa Ana Councilman David Benavides. Benavides and his friend Santa Ana Councilman Carlos “Space Commander” Bustamante were later seen pigging out on tacos from a nearby cart. Oddly, the taco meat was found to have a few beads and long, stringy hairs in it.
• Councilwoman Claudia Alvarez gave out awards for the best homegrown marijuana plants, but all the award recipients were then promptly arrested. Alvarez kept the marijuana plants, saying they were needed for “research.” She then ran off with a box of twinkies.
• Councilman Sal Tinajero presided over a chili cook off at the Santa Ana Zoo, where the elephant was also reported missing earlier today. Tinajero said that the chili was great, but some folks complained that the meat was a bit leathery and tough.
• Council Members Michele Martinez and Vince Sarmiento judged an Earth Day Graffiti contest. The winners were involved in a high speed chase with police afterwards and are currently visiting the Santa Ana jail where they are getting along famously with the winners of the marijuana plant contest.

Everyone had a great time in Santa Ana and the City Council is looking forward to celebrating Earth Day again next year.