And Now Our Tito Watch Begins…


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Watch “Tito Watch,” Tito! You might learn something! (Theoretically.)

If you’re an Orange County resident who has recently used the internet, you’re probably aware that last month Huntington Beach elected Tito Ortiz, former MMA star and current CTE patient, to our city council, with a record-breaking 42,000 votes – more than ever before received by any HB council candidate!

Tito’s political career began last June when he joined a group of violent counter-protesters claiming to be “protecting the city” from supposedly murderous and rapacious out-of-town Black Lives Matter demonstrators.  (No such violence materialized.) 

He then briefly toyed with the idea of becoming a police officer, but instead announced his candidacy for Huntington Beach City Council in September, and was an instant sensation among our more racist neighbors. Some speculate his history of DUIs, drug use, and domestic violence charges may have disqualified him from a career with HBPD; but no such restrictions exist for city council members.

Tito has been on the Huntington Beach City Council for less than a month, but he has already accomplished so much for his constituents:

1. He gave us the gift of comedy! His failure to recite his oath of office had us laughing for the better part of a week, and was fodder for local pundits and sports commentators alike.  [See videos below]

2. He educated us about our city government. After he was appointed Mayor Pro Tem, the rightwing keyboard warriors of HB frantically googled the City Charter and actually, finally, learned about council procedures!

3. He missed his first council meeting. That sounds bad, but it was probably a blessing in disguise: That night Huntington Beach voted to join Orange County’s new Community Choice Energy program, and explaining electricity to Tito would’ve slowed down the whole process.

4. He Stopped The Steal! Just kidding. But he did call for a recount in the fabulously blue state of California, and he did stop traffic on the PCH as part of a super-spreader tin foil hat convention, and touted his position on City Council despite direct instructions not to do so.

5. He did NOT kill anyone with his boat. Sure, he may have been involved in a hit-and-run after the boat parade last weekend, but the kid sitting on the dock he ran into wasn’t the least bit hurt, and we all know the police wouldn’t have done anything about it even if she was.

6.  He inspired us all to get more involved. I’ve lived in Huntington Beach for most of my life. More people are more carefully watching the actions of our local elected officials and, as much as I may hate to admit it, Tito helped foster that.

The next HB City Council meeting is tonightMonday, December 21 at 6 p.m. Most of the agenda is nitty-gritty city stuff like stop lights, but council will also consider supporting the OC Sheriff’s Department in their raging legal battles to avoid releasing any non-violent inmates during the pandemic. I don’t know about you, but I’ll certainly tune in to see how Tito fares in his first real city council meeting!

Update

To help illustrate Tito’s vow, heard above, to “discharge his Judy’s,” Mark Daniels has created the following illustration.  Purely for informational purposes, you understand.

 


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