“Anyone who is a believer WILL REGRET IT if he or she does not” come see Instructor Man Hee Lee at the Crystal Cathedral this Saturday!

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Instructor Man Hee Lee,” a Korean preacher and leader of the rapidly-growing movement Tabernacle of the Testimony,” who claims to be the only person who can explain the Revelation (that hallucinogenic final book of the New Testament which NOBODY understands) will be explaining it all to you this Saturday morning at 10:30 at the Crystal Cathedral (now “Christ Cathedral” since its purchase by papist pederasts.)  Admission is free.  Man Hee’s literature darkly warns, “Anyone who is a believer WILL REGRET IT if he or she does not see it and believe it.”  (And I’m pretty sure by “believer” they mean “Christian” – so that’s probably YOU, bud!)

So, his press girl called and asked me to do a write-up here, obviously hoping the great event would get that coveted “Orange Juice Bump.”  She explained that Man Hee teaches that the world has already ended – long ago – and that we are now all in the afterlife.  She said this would make a lot more sense once I hear Man Hee explain it in person.  Then she begged me, whatever I write, to “Please treat Man Hee with respect.”

Mistake.

“I’m sorry, young lady, you called the wrong blog.  We don’t do the respect thing here.”

“Well, then, please don’t write anything about him at all.”

“Sorry.  Too late.”  Click.

But, I probably have the Man Hee Flack overly worried now.  A fairly straightforward report on his bio and philosophy is entertaining enough.  Baby Man Hee was given his name, which translates  “light,” by his grandfather, who foresaw, in a “precognitive dream,” the sun, moon and stars darkening, the heavens opening up again, and a “large strong light” then shining upon Man Hee’s Mom.

Claiming “royal ancestry” going back 500 years, but ALSO born into a “poor farming family” in Gyeongbuk Cheongdo, the fervently devout and bookish Man Hee fought on the frontlines of the Korean War – the same one Americans fought in – against the Northern Communists.

“One day during his night time prayer, a huge star came down for 3 and a half days, and thereafter, he met a heavenly person whom he swore his loyalty to God. After writing a pledge in his own blood swearing his loyalty, he walked on the path of faith.”

It’s not clear if it was THEN or LATER that, in his words,

“…I saw Jesus—the heavenly person—coming in the clouds of heaven. I fell face down before him and the Lord got on half of His knee and raised me up, where He then anointed me on the head and gave me His commands. Following His commands, I went back to the place called the Tabernacle Temple—the same place I initially left. It was at this place that I saw, heard, and received the revelation of the opened book and the fulfillment of the work for the entire book of Revelation.”

Apparently, it is prophesied in the Bible (somewhere) that “ALL people will learn the Truth from Instructor Lee.”  According to his literature, tens of thousands of Christians hungry for the truth have been flocking to his events all over the world, while some “spit and yell” at his followers, and others have even tried to assassinate the man himself.   Here is the website of Man Hee Lee and his “Tabernacle of the Testimony” :  “lightmeetslight.com.”

And HERE is a website claiming that Man Hee Lee is “the leader of Shin Chon Ji (SCJ), a widespread cult in Korea, also known as ‘Serving Christ Jesus.’ He claims to be a ‘messenger’ of God, with new revelation of the Word … [His group] claims to be the New Jerusalem on earth and they believe that they are the only ones with the truth (a common characteristic of cults).”

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Among the many other charismatic figures who have been fascinated with the Book of Revelation is my own son Dorian Yarnelson, a grad student in animation at UCLA, who recently created this teaser featuring the popular Whore Of Babylon for his larger work on the Apocalypse (oh – that’s the olde-fashioned name for the Revelation.)

But remember, ONLY Man Hee Lee has had the exact same vision as John of Patmos, so you will DEFINITELY COME TO REGRET IT if you don’t come check out his exegesis this Saturday.  Remember, like Ozzy Osbourne with his booted fairies, you gotta believe Man Hee because “he saw it, he saw it with his OWN TWO EYES!”

NOW prepare – if previous online mentions of Man Hee Lee are any indication – for an avalanche of pro-Man Hee comments, from dozens of anonymous folks with similar IP addresses who “hadn’t heard much about him before” but are “fascinated now to see him in person!”


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist in Orange County. Performs regularly with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem, and at regular concerts at the Huntington Beach Central Library.