Christian Pastor Vance Boelter saw the light last night!

I [Vern] am going on a big trip (back tomorrow night) but I wanted to cross-post this timely piece from “THE FUCKING NEWS” which is the name of Jonathan Larsen’s Substack. I’d been reading his e-mail newsletters every morning for a couple of months, and they are so great and invaluable and also hilarious that I finally gave in and subscribed. YOU SHOULD TOO!

Christian Pastor Charged with Murder

Vance Boelter was a Trump supporter and a lover of Jesus even though no one wants to believe both of those things.

by Jonathan Larsen

You can listen to the TFN podcast here and support TFN here.

Vance Boelter was saved at 17 and captured at 57. He was saved by Jesus and captured by Minnesota police.

Both times he was on his knees.

Boelter has been charged with two counts of second-degree murder and two counts of attempted murder. The criminal complaint says police literally saw him kill Mark Hortman, the husband of slain state House Democratic Leader Melissa Hortman.

“I’m going to be gone for a while,” Boelter texted people Saturday morning, to his defense attorney’s dismay. “May be dead shortly, so I just want to let you know I love you guys both and I wish it hadn’t gone this way.” If only he could’ve done something about it going this way.

I spent Father’s Day watching videos of Boelter, in part because newsfucking ain’t no joke. And in part because I knew — and we’re already seeing it — that corporate media would gloss over the religious aspects of a man who called himself a reverend. Who called himself — and was called by others — a pastor.

A man who flew thousands of miles to the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) to deliver sermons there. And Newsfuckers, having watched them, I gotta tell you, Pastor Vance Boelter wasn’t half bad.

Yes, as has been reported, Boelter’s sermons to a church in the Democratic Republic of Congo had unsurprising, eyerolling stuff from the right-wing playbook:

a href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf5zld0Ixu0&t=1s”>Feb. 10, 2023: “There’s no sin that God can’t take care of. Nothing. There’s people, especially in America, they don’t know what sex they are, they don’t know how their sexual orientation, they’re confused. The enemy has gotten so far into their heart and their soul. But this word [the Bible] cuts deeper.”

Feb. 12, 2023: “Many churches in America didn’t listen to Jesus. They’re divided. … The churches are so messed up, they don’t know abortion is wrong, many churches.”

But over the course of the videos — hours that felt like the eternity Boelter promises us — that was it. Boelter actually wasn’t a moralizing preacher. He wasn’t fire and brimstone.

Reportedly, Boelter voted for Pres. Donald Trump and was “a strong supporter.” But the same source, Boelter’s roommate, said he “loved his family, loved his friends, loved God.”

And Boelter’s sermons delivered genuinely moving testimony about the power of God’s love. About the offer of salvation and God’s power to forgive everyone of any sin. And how God, Jesus, was all you needed.

Money didn’t matter. Failure didn’t matter. And not only did they not matter, they couldn’t touch, could not diminish one bit the joy of opening the door to Jesus.

This is a very common theme. And we now have pretty good evidence — like, literally, in police evidence lockers — of just how fucking false advertising this message is. (In case all of history — and some theologians! — hadn’t already provided enough evidence that religion is no guarantee of moral behavior.)

Police reportedly interviewed Boelter overnight so we can expect to learn more about what motivated him. (Allegedly, but, c’mon.)

We can also expect his authentic religious journey to get played all the way down. And it matters. Because Boelter in recent years made some very common promises about Jesus that aren’t looking too sturdy this morning.

In his first DRC sermon, Sept. 26, 2021, he talks about what a good, moral kid he was. But he didn’t have God. He felt empty — because he was 17! — and so he turned to Jesus.

(Let the record show he was moral before God and then after finding God did a really, really bad thing. (Allegedly, but, c’mon.))

And it’s pretty clear that Jesus fucked with his life almost instantly. He said he had his story — his testimony — printed up in a pamphlet. Super-normal style. Then he upped the ante. He said he would take 10,000 of the pamphlets — about him and his super-important thoughts…

“…to places people didn’t want to go. …In the Middle East, I went to the West Bank, the Gaza strip, southern Lebanon, and I would give pamphlets to everybody I could. And the only time I would stop is when someone came up with a gun and say, ‘you need to come with me.’ Israeli police stopped me. Israeli army. Palestinian soldiers. UN troops. And private security. But I just wanted to tell people about Jesus and what he did for my life.”

My alleged dude, what Jesus did for your life was put your young ass on a plane to Beirut where no one wanted you, convinced you you could change people who didn’t need you, instead of creating meaning in your own life or doing something positive for the people already around you.

But that, of course, isn’t how Boelter saw it. So what did Jesus do for Boelter?

Religion — Christianity — let Boelter tell himself he was living his life for God. In other words, it gave him what we all crave: Purpose. “What’s important is that every step we take in this life, be they many or few, that every one is done for Jesus.”

Living for Jesus had such power it conveniently rendered everything Boelter did pretty fucking awesome. “[W]e will never go wrong if we do something and attempt something that’s gonna get us closer to Jesus.”

How’s that one looking in the morning light streaming through the bars of the holding cell this morning?

There’s more, and I may write up some more for a TFN Bonus Story, but I should at least note some of his preaching that’s especially très ironique today.

Aug. 7, 2022: “He’s given us eternity with Him. And what does He ask? He says, ‘Life didn’t go the way I wanted it for you, but it wasn’t my fault. Vance, you sidetracked. You messed up your life.’… [Amen!]

“Do you wanna live forever with me? Then get on your face, Vance, and repent of your sins.” [And put your hands where I can see them.]

Feb. 10, 2023: “When I die and go to Heaven, I don’t want to just listen to all the other people tell their stories, I want to have my own stories to tell.”

Let the record show that spending eternity in Heaven listening to the Vance Boelters of the world tell their stories sounds like fucking Hell.

Feb. 12, 2023: “God says don’t be angry with your neighbor, and just by commanding that, he gives us eternal life.”

As an atheist, I don’t believe that. But I do have faith that Boelter will end up being judged and getting life. (Alleged, but c’mon.)

THE PARABLE OF THE PEOPLE When Boelter’s car was found on Saturday morning, it was quickly reported that it had flyers for No Kings rallies in it. Right-wing idiots who jump to the conclusions their feet are always aimed at touted this as proof that Boelter was left-wing and, apparently, planning to attend many No Kings rallies.

The obvious implication to functioning brains was that Boelter might target those rallies. Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) and police urged people not to come to the No Kings rallies.

But Boelter hadn’t stopped No Kings from coming. It came! Somehow or other, it came just the same.

Undaunted by Pres. Donald Trump, undaunted by Boelter, they showed up in their thousands:

Speaking of No Kings…

[click here to read the rest of today’s “The Fucking News” – there’s a LOT MORE!]

OPEN THREAD NOW……