.
.
.
Now that OJB has established that “Alexa, make the refs call pass interference in the red zone on the Patriots” is not an actual command (which is probably just as well, or some New Orleans fan could probably have used something like it to put the Saints into the Super Bowl, we’ll end (or start) the week with some ruminations on how people might solve problems with good advice. Look forward to (or beware of, depending on how you feel about the problem solver) these possible solutions to some current problems.
1. Problem: No One Will Host the Academy Awards
The Oscars are coming up in three weeks and nobody is willing to host them, for fear of revealing skeletons in their closets. Also, the producers of the Oscars tried to elbow three of the five Best Song nominee from being performed, to save time, upsetting the natural order of the universe and drawing admonishment from favored performer Lady Gaga until they capitulated.
How would you solve the problem?
SOLUTION:
Divide the show, except for the last three awards, into five equal parts. Each will be hosted by one of the five performers. Best Song will be moved to the third-to-last award, and whoever wins that award will host Best Director and Best Movie. Then do this again every year forever.
2. Problem: Sickouts by Air Traffic Controllers Can Totally Wreck Your Government Shutdown
(I didn’t say that the problems would all be be sympathetic; this is more in the nature of “watch out, because they’re surely going to able to figure this one out.)
Premier Trump knows that he’s not going to get the Democrats to provide money for his desired border wall/fence/slats/barrier — which will not solve any of the problems it is supposedly intended to solve, but shutting down the government will raise the profile of the only issue that Trump seems to think can win him reelection (and four extra years of what he hopes is protection against federal indictment). He just doesn’t care.
Cutting off most government functions is no skin off his nose; he doesn’t like most government functions anyway. And to the extent that federal workers suffered terribly during the five weeks of the December-to-January shutdown, Trump sees that as a positive thing, because he’s all about holding hostages as a negotiating tactic.
What stopped the shutdown was probably not the fact that Trump’s poll numbers were going down; all he’ll need in 2020 is to do better in the right states than his opponent, and work is probably already underway on photoshopping images of all of the major candidates in KKK garb into their old yearbooks. Instead, it was the totally unforeseeable (by Trump) fact that shutting down the government would also end up shutting down a bunch of airports (when TSA workers would call in sick rather than being forced to work for free.) Turns out that that piqued public interest in a way that Trump didn’t like.
“SOLUTION”
Some people seem to think that we will not be sent into a second “aftershock” shutdown. We will. I don’t think that there is a chance in hell that Trump’s largely inept advisers won’t figure out what he can do to get back his hostages. He has the power to declare any federal worker “essential.” So that’s what he’ll do — along with preparing to slam public sector unions and employees who refuse to work for free while in the process of losing their homes.
Without the pressure placed on air travel, there’s no clear choke point that will break Trump’s will. And because (for those other than federal employees) the fact that most of the disastrous effects of having no government don’t appear until well down the line — such as, “goodbye, Joshua Tree tourist economy” — don’t expect as much of a public outcry. The one thing that could make a difference is pressure on Senate Minority Mitch McConnell to bring up legislation that could pass the Senate even if Trump doesn’t want it. But McConnell is not easily pressured unless lots of Republican Senators decide that they might lose.
What’s the solution for those who want to see an end to shutdowns without a permanent monument to the desire to poke Mexico in the eye with a sharp stick? Sorry: some things are beyond even OJB.
3. Problem: Two People Claim to Be President of Venezuela
Not our problem. We’ve knocked off too many Latin American, African, Asian, and even European countries’ governments to have any credibility with the rest of the world. If you’re a politician, set out your marker now that you don’t favor imposing pro-American governments on countries that haven’t voted for them. And don’t talk about deficiencies in their vote counting if we won’t get our own house in order. Let’s see more Presidential candidates go on record about this so that they can be ruled in or out.
This is also your retrofitted Weekend Open Thread, so do that WOT thing.
*What about our great success in Columbia…again? Hmmm. Send 30 Cruise missiles into Caracas and see what he hits! 2ndly, shut down the Whitehouse and pretend Government doesn’t exist. 3rd: Rent and Airbnb the Lincoln Bedroom to several Russian Oligarchs for big money. Also, mention the availability at the State of Union tomorrow.
Ron, how do you square your self-perception as a moral man with “send 30 Cruise missiles into Caracas and see what he hits”? You understand that this is terrorism and invites anti-U.S. terrorism, right?
P.S. The country is Colombia. The university, the river, the movie studio, the statue, and the district are Columbia. And we didn’t have “great success” in the former; we propped up a bunch of oligarchs and fascists.
Would-be terrorists wishing to attack the U.S.: as you can see, the idea of indiscriminate bombing of population centers does have some support in some quarters of our country. It pretty much a matter of who’s getting killed, though, so don’t get your hopes up.
(Dear Winships — this was after I ALREADY took it down a couple of notches. Please don’t be that way.)
*Just saw this…what Dr. D., you didn’t know were joking? Good Grief, whatever happened to cynicism and skepticism? Irony? Way off the table it seems!
OK, don’t send any Cruise Missiles….that would just increase the price of Raytheon Stock……hardly worth it. For Venezuela, we need more vendors on the beaches, so when the Marines arrive they can buy some Crab and Lobster and make sure that the Baiju-Mezcal is OK to drink!
As Cleghorn Leghorn might say: “I say, I say, I say son…it’s a joke!”
As Cleghorn Leghorn might say: “I say, I say, I say son…it’s a joke!”
I had thought you would at least get a cartoon character’s name right.
It’s also arguably going to be our actual response. Our foreign policy may also be a joke, but not a funny one.
“Cutting off most government functions is no skin off his nose; he doesn’t like most government functions anyway.”
He detests their ‘internal oversight’ functions – anything that deals with facts – but loves the PR wing. Shut down the parts of the Justice Department that process civil claims (e.g., housing discrimination), but leave criminal divisions in place. Shut down international trade admin, and anyone else who can question his tweeted claims about how the tariffs are working, but leave PR in place. Shut down the intelligence agencies…
But his goal isn’t to dismantle these agencies (not yet), but to force Democrats working in the public sector to seek reliable alternative employment and then staff these agencies with quislings/saboteurs. With tight budgets for most agencies, they can’t hire except after openings pop up through attrition: so he wants Dems (disproportionately) to quit their jobs in protest of Trump policy (or if the policies aren’t sufficiently outrageous, out of financial hardship).
Assuming Trump’s goal is to ensure that a sufficient number of ‘civil’ offices are staffed with his people, one way to stop future shutdowns is increase the priority given to rehiring any departmental worker who resigns in view of financial hardships. That will make it far more difficult to play this sort of gambit.
*Dismantle America? We thought so too!
It’s an interesting theory, Donovan, but my sense is that government workers are taking on side gigs without resigning their government jobs during the shutdowns. What you propose would be good legislation, though — maybe you can convince Gil to introduce it!
Some, perhaps, but exactly what side gig can a furloughed federal employee actually take? They don’t know if its for 1-2 days, 1-2 weeks, or 1-2 months. Uber probably didn’t pay that well during the shutdown…and if someone takes a side gig, then gets reclassified as essential (or the deadlock ends), who pays for the unfulfilled work? The side gig option is actually a lot trickier for most employees, esp. the folks living paycheck to paycheck in expensive cities with high rent.
“What you propose would be good legislation, though — maybe you can convince Gil to introduce it!”
Most likely, union lobbyists have already proposed the wording and inserted it into a funding bill. I doubt I’m the only one who sees this possibility.
The president’s next move will be to try to sever DHS/TSA funding from the other departments, cover them for several months, then shut down once more for the other 700k+ government workers and insist on wall funding. His base doesn’t know what Commerce, Energy, Education, Ag, or HUD do, often doesn’t think they should exist, and of course, there are hundreds of folks who would LOVE it if DOJ dropped a few civil claims, IRS was late on audits for the difficult (extremely large) accounts that require ‘non-essential’ staff to pursue, etc.
We probably have lots of readers who do such things now. James Vanderbilt gave a good talk (when he should have given a campaign speech) last fall about “side hustles” — there are lots of things one can do for cash without commitment. I’ve read several stories about what people are doing — mostly it involves relying on their social networks to find ways to help. As for who pays for unfulfilled work — this is something that people work out all the time.
OK, someone else will have the legislation — but you can still get Gil to support it, right?
That legislation will not be allowed to come to a vote in the House. Nor should it — because it would work just as you suggest. But I do think that the President probably could shift around funds to ensure that the airports are working under his emergency powers (that didn’t actually exist until the Cheney Administration.) You’re right about no government being a boon for bad actors.
I suppose that I’m supposed to be the one who should know the answer to this question, but I don’t — I haven’t been following the special elections here and in Seal Beach that closely — so hopefully someone in the 3rd Supe District will know:
Is there early voting (vote-by-mail or otherwise) in the 3rd Supe District special election? In other words, is that “March 12” date really more like a “February 12” target for mobilizing voters? I’d think so, right?