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…wherein the author has explained to him the deafening silence of the Mayoral candidate on any of the current burning issues facing Anaheim.
It never fails. Every time I doubt the Great Man’s wisdom, I get schooled. Example. Earlier this week I was up in his office, and I’d been waiting for the right moment to broach what I thought could be a sensitive topic, which had been gnawing at my mind.
This seemed like the perfect chance – he had just had one of his “moments alone,” pleasuring himself while standing at his office window admiring the construction of ARTIC, going up girder by girder. Now he was flushed and sweaty, but relaxed, and washing his hands. (The Great Man in his prudence washes his hands dozens of times a day; God forbid germs deprive Anaheim of such a visionary.)
So, seated in my humble corner chair, I cleared my throat and ventured cautiously: “Sir, there’s something that’s been bothering me.” He didn’t respond, but I could tell he heard me, as he dried his hands and shifted his eyes toward me. So I continued, “Sir, shouldn’t we be a little bit more worried about Lorri Galloway?”
“Toady,” he mumbled quietly. (“Toady” is not my real name; it is what the Great Man calls me, and I don’t mind, but nobody else can call me that. You don’t need to know my real name. Anonymity is a time-honored tradition on the blogosphere and American letters in general.) After a moment, he continued in a murmur as though to himself, “Lorri Galloway…” Then he looked over at me quizzically, “Why are you worried?”
“Well, sir… the Democrats and the Latinos are really rallying out there; don’t you think there’s a slight chance she could beat Lucille and … you-know-who … and become Anaheim’s next Mayor?”
“Hmm… Mayor Galloway…” he murmured as though still in a trance. “…. Could be.”
“And we’re not doing anything to attack her, sir. Cunningham treats her with kid gloves, almost reverently, and I know he doesn’t wipe his nose without your say-so. What about all that oppo research – I know you don’t want to hear the name, but the oppo research Cynthia Ward did a few years ago, it’s a treasure trove. Are we just going to let Galloway waltz in?”
“Toady.” The Great Man cleared his throat and shook his head vigorously side to side for a moment to bring himself back to a state of alertness. “Tell me again, why exactly are you worried about Lorri Galloway becoming Mayor?”
“Well, sir… I don’t want to insult you by reminding you of things I’m sure you remember, but she’s opposed every one of your brilliant ideas for Anaheim. She was a NIGHTMARE over that $158 million Gardenwalk giveaway we pulled off for O’Connell. She even started a ‘Let the People Vote’ movement against it. She fought tooth and nail against your cherished Disney Streetcar. And she fought long and hard for District Elections, which is going to make it a lot harder for YOU to keep control of this town, sir, if you’ll pardon my impertinence…”
“Toady.” He sat behind his desk, clasped his hands, and grinned. “If we can’t let bygones be bygones, we don’t belong in this business.”
“Yes, sir. The business of Public-Private Partnerships.”
“Oh, say that again!” he exclaimed in sudden childlike enthusiasm.
“The business of Public-Private Partnerships.”
“NOW. Let me show you something, Toady. You say you’re worried about Lorri Galloway.” Full of energy now, he strode to a shelf and pulled out a thick binder. “You know what this is?”
“Yes, sir,” I groaned, “I put it all together for you. It’s all of the news coverage and opinion writing so far on Anaheim’s negotiations with the Angels.”
“Right. Our little deal with Arte Moreno.” He flipped theatrically through the hundreds of pages. “Do you notice anything missing here? Anything completely absent?”
It began to dawn on me. “Lorri Galloway. ANY statement against this deal, or even about it, from Galloway.”
He banged his finger against his temple. “Correct-a-mundo, Toady! Apart from one little rally ‘way back last September, Lorri has not said a WORD about this. Bupkis. Nothing to the press, nothing at City Council. Isn’t that a little strange, from someone who wants to run this city, and will be stuck with whatever we pull off this year? ONE DOLLAR A YEAR FOR SIXTY YEARS?” The Great Man laughed like an actual movie villain.
“Is … is Lorri ONE OF US now?”
On a roll, he continued, “Not only that, the Convention Center expansion. Lorri fashions herself as the great savior of the city workers, the AMEA. Those poor schmucks are gonna be shit out of luck when the balloon payments come due on this bond scam of ours – their pensions – ” [explosion gesture with hand] ” – POOF. Wouldn’t you think the great liberal lady who wants to be Mayor would have something to say about that? But what have we heard from Lorri? Radio silence. The Silence of the LoGal.” The Great Man’s laughter was beginning to get a little disturbing, even for me.
“Well, but still, she has loyalty to … I know you hate to hear his name but…”
“Go ahead, you can say it. The Usurper. TAIT. Just say Tait. She has loyalty to him you say?”
“Why yes, I – I THINK so. I mean, I know she’s running against him, but they BOTH say they’re still friends. And you know how they worked together for years on council.”
“OK, Toady, have you heard THIS yet? I’ve got Kris Murray and my other puppets out there on PUBLIC RADIO, calling Tait an unethical slob who really wants the Angels to leave Anaheim so he can somehow make a profit off it personally. And that’s nothing to the gossip they’ve been spreading about him outside of the media, and the anonymous commenters on the blogs. And does Lorri say a word in her old ‘friend’s’ defense? What do you think, Toady?”
“I’m going to go ahead and guess ‘NO.'”
“And you’d be right. What kind of friend lies back and lets her friend be trashed so that she can benefit from it? Let me put it this way, Toady.” The Great Man stopped laughing and looked me straight in the eye. “If Lorri Galloway so much as utters a peep about our little deal with Arte Moreno, a word critical of our Convention Center expansion bond, or a word in defense of Tom Tait…” he paused, grinned and winked: “then she ain’t MY LoGal.”
I tried to compute all this new information. “Does this mean Lorri is our candidate now? What about Lucille?”
“Well, Anaheim Insider, you said it yourself: Lucille is a liability!” I gulped and blushed. “That’s right. I KNEW IT WAS YOU, FREDO.”
I oscillated between shock that the Great Man had fingered me as the cheeky anonymous writer of this piece, and overwhelming pride that he had read and agreed with it. He laughed, “Relax, Toady, you were right. Lucille for Mayor will NOT work out.” He made a tippling gesture with one hand, the gesture Alec Baldwin made in Glengarry Glenn Ross.
Then the Great Man became manic and started striding across the room. “This city needs a Happy Face Mayor, that can bring the whole town together. Disney wants a Happy Face Mayor. *I* want a Happy Face Mayor. Toady, this will be brilliant. This will be historic… Think of it…”
At that moment, bizarrely, the Great Man’s eyelashes began fluttering and he commenced making ballet-like gestures with his outstretched hands, exactly as though he were channeling Lorri Galloway herself. “It will be historic, Toady – the FIRST FEMALE MAYOR of Anaheim! The FIRST HISPANIC – I mean, WOMAN OF COLOR Mayor of Anaheim! Someone who can bring people together from all walks of life – Hispanics, Arabs, whites, the rich, the poor, EVERYBODY – that is…” Here the Great Man clenched his fists in anger: “Except anybody who stands in the way of MY PLANS.”
The construction noise had grown deafening, and the building shook with the efforts of the cranes just outside. The Great Man stood there silently, trembling, eyes shut, fists clenched … and I could just barely make out his whispering, as though to calm himself: “Mayor Galloway. Mayor Galloway.”
Finally he opened his eyes, walked slowly over to the window, and said, without turning to face me, “Leave me now, Toady. I need another ‘moment alone.'” I trundled off to the office next door for a few minutes. What a man, what a pioneer, what a visionary. Anaheim will never again see his like.
So Anaheim Insider is a Pringle employee? I’m shocked. Really shocked and disappointed. Who could imagine such a thing.
Which one?
Hmm. Toady. Toad…
Great piece, entertaining and insinuating. I had been waiting for Daniel to write about the Galloway candidacy, but Anaheim Insider beat him… The anti-Tait crusader, and one of the main supporter of Ms Galloway, in the LOCO blog has openly stated that the Mayor is personally going to profit if Arte’s team leaves town.
Haven’t you Anaheim Insider, seen this crusader with the Great Man overlooking the Platinum Triangle and envisioning how leasing 155 acres for 66 years at $1 annually will benefit the City?
Quelling my nervous laughter upon reading this one (in which I was not involved, Chumley): on the bright side, if she’s knowingly been avoiding taking stands on these issues, it just got harder to do so. And yes, she should be taking stands — although I expect that, on the Convention Center, at least, some of us will find them disappointing. (Building Trades, you know.)
Looks like she’s taking a page from SQS’ playbook.
I have nothing to say and you can’t make me say it.
I should rephrase: Looks *more* like she’s taking a page from SQS’ playbook.
Wow
Stephen Colbert works for Curt Pringle!
I thought he was going to work for NBC?
Somehow the world out there has trains that can move people 500 miles in 2 hours and we spend our money on wars in other countries.
Eventually that is what took down the Roman Empire. They brought advances in science, medicine, architecture, sanitation and more. Spend too much on foreign wars and it brought them down. Sometimes you cannot save the whole world especially when you stop growing and advancing at home.
When you actually do things, maybe even important things and do them all the time, eventually you will also make mistakes. Stay home, do nothing and the only mistake you make is being born in the first place and wasting air.
Criticizing the movers and shakers, ah well, that is what the literate do nothings do.
Effecting their decisions and process – that is what the motivated, involved, do.
Hi Mike! It’s nice to have a defender of “the Great Man” (at least I THINK that’s what you’re doing) post under his real name.
Couple of things: This post secondarily makes fun of “the Great Man,” but primarily its purpose is to criticize Galloway for remaining silent about very important and timely issues in Anaheim while she runs for office, presumably attempting to offend nobody – the same sort of issues she used to take vehement stands on.
And you say, “When you actually do things, maybe even important things and do them all the time, eventually you will also make mistakes.” We wouldn’t criticize “the Great Man” for the occasional “mistake,” but for a pattern spanning years and years of enriching himself on the public dime and corrupting the political system to keep that going.
Then you say “Criticizing the movers and shakers, ah well, that is what the literate do nothings do. Effecting their decisions and process – that is what the motivated, involved, do.” Uh, I hope you know who you’re talking to. We very much do both those things over here. Remember when we stopped the Great OC Fairgrounds Swindle? That was pretty cool, huh? I remember you helped us. Only one example.
By the way whoever smokes cigars – be sure to check out Paradise Cigars down at the OC Marketplace! (That’s the swap meet at the Fairgrounds.) Good lookin’ out for your neighbor!
Oh, the Great man deserves his “kudos” as his semi-literate scribe would “pen.”
You’ve got to give the guy some credit: ARTIC is a $200,000,000 robbery perpetrated in full sight of 3,000,000 people – some of whom were small-time pols looking for their own main chance on the OCTA Board.
They don’t call it the Kleptocracy for nothing.
P.S. How many of the 400,000 people a day who drive by the construction site on the 57 actually know that ARTIC is, for the public, practically GOOD FOR NOTHING?
For a very small cadre it may very well provide an auto erotic experience.
I was really for the forward move on the high speed rail and I do not know what the hold up is.
Sometimes when you go with Stephen Colberts schtick it can be confusing.
I am straight forward thinking that certain items are very relevant that the Great Man has addressed and I have taken issue with others.
I do know that the political quagmire is something to avoid. It needs a certain type of person that can take it day in and day out.
So is she playing the game – Galloway? Hope she can take the mud the dirt and the pressure. Maybe she stepped away to breath or…
When you mention the Fair and that is teeny tiny compared to Anaheim – I could hardly breath for 2 years and am sitll choking at this very moment 5 years later.