MasterPlannedistan (High Times Press)
In his last act as chair of the Great Park Board, MasterPlannedistan councilman and longtime political fixture Boss Larry Agran held a press conference to announce that the Great Park Board has authorized the sale of the entire Great Park of MasterPlannedistan to notorious Canadian marijuana farmer and former Federal fugitive Marc Emery, aka “The Prince of Pot.”
Flying "high" again on the Great Orange Balloon (apologies to Ozzy Osbourne)
Emery, a internationally known grower of marijuana who has caught the ire of the Drug Enforcement Administration with his massive worldwide cannabis growing operations, was the highest bidder in the secret smoke filled, closed door meeting outbidding noted local billionaire developers like Donald Bren and Dave Ellis. Details of the transaction were not disclosed to the press at this time.
Boss Agran, decked out in dark Oakley sunglasses, delivered a brief statement to the press as he exited the smoky building. “In my illustrious political career in MasterPlannedistan, I always said that I wanted to leave politics on a high note. Now that I have achieved that high, I have some final parting words for my friends in the press. Excuse me while make a run for the border.”
Sources from MasterPlannedistan City Hall tell us that the impending decision to abolish redevelopment agencies by Governor Jerry Brown and the State Assembly was the deciding factor in the board’s decision to sell the entire park to Emery. When a reporter asked Agran to address that rumor, he pointed towards the east and screamed to the media pool “Look, it’s Charlie Sheen!.” Agran quickly hopped in his new 1967 psychedelic colored VW Vanagon as distracted reporters went to look for the eccentric former star of CBS’ “Two and a Half Men.”
An hour later, Emery emerged from the heavy smoke filled chambers and stated that he was going to disclose the details of the sale and his plans for the Great Park to the public on Wednesday, April 20th. The free all day event, which is co-sponsored by Visine and the Orange County chapters of NORML and Ron Paul’s Campaign for Liberty, at the soon to be named Great Park of Pot will be unlike any meeting or event that MasterPlannedistan has seen since the Grateful Dead made their presence felt in the mid to late 1980s at Irvine Meadows.
Meet the new boss. Not the same as Boss Agran.
“This event will make the Dead concerts at the Meadows look like the Irvine High talent show in comparison,” said Emery. “Think of it as my selfless contribution to turn MasterPlannedistan into a truly “green” community. ”
Oh yes...there will be FOOD!!!!!!!
Negotiations are underway for musical entertainment to be provided by Phish, Ziggy Marley and Cypress Hill with food and drink to be provided by the hundreds of various food truck vendors from all over Orange and Los Angeles County. In addition, workshops on cannabis growing and making products out of hemp will be also provided. There will also be a “Cannabis Kids” play area where kids from 3-18 will learn about the wonderful medicinal and industrial benefits that cannabis and hemp have to offer. An appearance by the mechanical robot Bong-A-Saurus, the world’s largest bong, has also been rumored but not yet confirmed.
The face of the new and improved Great Park
Not everyone in MasterPlannedistan was thrilled with the Great Park board’s decision to sell the Great Park to the infamous Canadian pot grower. MasterPlannedistan’s head NIMBY, LiberalOC cub reporter and Boss Agran’s circus monkey Dan Chimpanzeelewski was flustered at the entire prospect of a cannabis farm being placed in the former location of MCAS El Toro. He spoke to us from his recent “Drinking Liberally” event at his new and nearly empty nightclub in MasterPlannedistan, Suite C.
"Drugs are bad...mmmhmmm."
“You know, smoking and drugs are VERY bad,” spit an apparantly flustered, alcohol infused and red faced Chimpanzeelewski. “We’re going to get MasterPlannedistan kids addicted to this garbage peddled by the Prince of Pot. I’m guessing that Shawn Nelson, Jerry Amante, Sean Mill and Art Pedroza are behind this plot to turn my beloved MasterPlannedistan to pot. Of course, I am speaking in the literal sense. Don’t you know that this sale of my beloved Not So Great Park is going to take me away from my investigative reporting of political events that happen in places where my family and I don’t live? Places like Tustin and Santa Ana are in dire need of the services that I provide because I have a responsibility as a journalist to report the truth. Don’t you know that? And what about the children? Did anyone ever think about them? I do all of the time because I referee AYSO soccer right here in MasterPlannedistan as my contribution to the community. ”
“My lawyers, PR firm and conservative sidekick The Amazing Jerbal Cunningham will get to the bottom of this,” screeched Chimpanzeelewski. “You haven’t heard the last of us!”
Meet the new owner of the Great Park of MasterPlannedistan, Marc Emery
High on an “orange balloon” has a whole new meaning!
Credit you for the caption of Boss Agran’s cover of Ozzy Osboune’s hit “Flying High Again.”