Larry Flynt offers a modest suggestion to Sen. David Vitter

I don’t know, I think this sounds like a very constructive and workable idea, courtesy of Hustler publisher Larry Flynt;  and you will probably agree with me if you remember that Senator Vitter, a “family values” and big-oil-boosting Republican from Louisiana, is not only a known frequenter of prostitutes, but is also reported (by the same prostitutes) to enjoy wearing diapers as a sexual practice.  Or maybe you won’t agree with me.  In any case, here is Flynt’s recent letter to the Senator:

Dear Senator Vitter: Forgive me for intruding on your valuable time. I know you are a very busy man, especially in regards to the current problems in the Gulf of Mexico. But that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. I concur that everybody must do their part to solve this serious catastrophe. And that’s where I think you, in particular, can be of so much help.

As I understand it, you have some expertise regarding diapers. I have no idea how many diapers you actually have on hand (quite a collection from what I hear) but as you know, diapers are quite absorbent. So, when it comes to blocking the oil that’s gushing into the Gulf, they might be a very effective way of solving that problem. With that in mind, I urge you to donate your extensive diaper collection to BP so they can use them to stop the leak by creating, for want of a better term, a giant “plug.”

It could be a historic moment: An ecological disaster thwarted. And you’ll get the credit for it. In fact, when people hear the word “diaper” they will automatically think of you. Hell, they already do.  Please don’t piss away this golden opportunity.


Larry Flynt

About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official political troubadour of Anaheim and most other OC towns. Regularly makes solo performances, sometimes with his savage-jazz band The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at, or 714-235-VERN.