The Seven Days of the First Obama Christmas


Behold, a savior was risen, and the government shall be upon his shoulder. And there went out a decree that all the world should be taxed.

Being the President is about storytelling boys and girls. And Barack Obama and his Wise men were the best storytellers there were. They told a story of a mystical young man who stood for change, and the NASCAR moms and dads who didn’t like him because of how he looked. He was disciplined and thoughtful, and people who disagreed were crazy and hateful.

But Obama was only a devious and shrewd little man, who tricked the boys and girls who liked him and believed in him, that made believe he was something other than what he was. He sang his song through their streets and they followed him. They believed in him. And now the Seven Days of the First Obama Christmas are upon us. And it’s time to remember and keep in our hearts, all the really true things we know about Obama, day by day.

On the first day of Obama Christmas…

Each Christmas I remember
The ones of long ago
I see our mantelpiece adorned
With stockings in a row.

Christmas finds me dreaming
of money that once was true
Before Obama learned to borrow
and print more of it too

Christmas I will remember
the smell is in the air
of Independents running wildly
from costs that bring despair

Christmas will find me longing
for envelopes stuffed amply
with money more valuable
than script from monopoly.

On the second day of Obama Christmas

Somewhere across the winter night
Through the snow and freezing rain
You can hear the chosen’s voice
softly “I feel your pain.”

Mr. Spock could be singing
just the same as he
Ms Dowd of fame knows The One quite swell
twas she who remarked, ho ho, he he

The logic can be strong
yet it feels quite desperate
while nuances are quite fluent
principles are quite separate

On the third day of Obama Christmas

Frosty days and ice-still nights,
Fir trees trimmed with tiny lights,
Sound of sleigh bells in the snow,
That was Christmas long ago.

Now the hacks have taken over
the north pole is in Chicago
brass knuckles fill the stockings
and Rudolph has to make way for Blago

On the fourth day of Obama Christmas

Alone, He paced antsy
A streetfighter he portrayed
but his friends knew a patsy

Santa had come down the chimney
with gifts for Natasha and M.
but as for the parents
he had nothing to give them

Barack made a sight and a fit
and tried to intimidate Santa you see
But St Nick wasn’t impressed
he couldnt even stand up to Fox T.V.

On the fifth day of Obama Christmas

You have to hold him up to see
The angel on the Christmas tree.
Just like you have to hold your country up
rather than slap it off your knee

Obama sees America
somewhere between Albania and Zimbabwe
he sees nothing exceptional
when asked he says “in what way?”

His trips have lots-of-velvet
His words have not much iron
human rights are an afterthought
the Dalai Lama he ain’t desirin’

He creates more gas in Denmark
than the forests can dissipate
and picks up a Nobel Prize
for nothing anyone will anticipate

On the sixth day of Obama Christmas

It’s one day before Christmas
I’m crabby and I’m broke.
I’m so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I’m gonna croak.

Pelosi gets things done in Congress
with numbers lower than Vader
Obama needs to come up with a strategy
or he’ll get beat by Nader

A speaker is not an equal
to the man who should not be king
he’s got to prove he earned his place
or re-election bells won’t ring

On the seventh day of Christmas

I love the decorations,
and the sleigh bells in my yard
but nothing looks sillier
than a man who hoists his own petard

ESPN has more Obama
than a man on eggnog should need
Leno and Letterman
give me enough to make my eyes bleed

The New York Times talks Obama marriage
and the Obama fitness routine
but doesn’t an image of Obama clutching himself on GQ
just make the office demean?

And in case anyone thinks these words are too much
Instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight
Let’s put Christ back in Christmas
and all enjoy some good nights!

About Terry Crowley