The 2009 Republican Orgy of Bedwetting

Gscaredy catetting wrapped up in local issues can be so time-consuming –  I just noticed that I’ve been missing out on the hilarious spectacle of Republican politicians all across the country (including Joe Lieberman, R – duped state) publicly soiling themselves with fear over the very idea that our great nation is capable of putting terrorists on trial. I’m told that the undocumented janitors at FOX News are looking into a class action suit over all the puddles they’ve had to mop up this past week at sub-minimum wage. (True? WAPTOPIX Republican Conventione report, you decide.)

No sooner did AG Holder announce his decision to try Khalid Sheik Mohamad and his four fellow terror douchebags in a Manhattan courtroom than Rudy “noun, verb, 9-11” Giuliani was hyperventilating on the teevee screen:  “New York is already a target for terrorists.  We announce that every day and talk about it every day.  To add something unnecessary to that makes no sense.”  Oh, Rudy, calm down, it’ll be OK.  The grownups are in charge now!  Maybe try not “announcing your’e a target every day” and then you and the few hundred Americans who still take you seriously will sleep a little better.  (Remember how Rudy supposedly murmured to himself on the morning of 9-11 “Thank God George Bush is in charge”?  I’m saying here, out loud, Thank God Obama is in charge aCB013881nd the 9-11 families can finally see some justice!  See some of their thoughts here.)

Of course Sunday the 15th was still coming up and Rudy’s little piddle was just a trickly prelude to the Sunday-show levee-breach of frightened Republican urine.  This is the stuff of which Comedy Central montages are woven:  “Can you imagine here where New York City is still a terror target and then you bring the mastermind of 9-11 here?”  “Would a trial put the Big Apple at greater risk?”  “Do you think it’s possible that they might get off?”  “They use our prisons as incubators”   “This is the biggest recruiting opportunity provided to Al Qaeda in decades. (Rove)”  “This’ll be the biggest mistake we could possibly make in my opinion since 9/11. (Lindsay Graham)”   “These five characters are coming to the United States of America!”  “What happens if he’s acquitted??”boner

That same weekend Glenn “Glennzilla” Greenwald composed his already-classic observation “The Right’s Textbook Surrender to Terrorists”   Just a taste:  “This is literally true:  the Right’s reaction to yesterday’s announcement — we’re too afraid to allow trials and due process in our country — is the textbook definition of ‘surrendering to terrorists'”  It’s the same fear they’ve been spewing for years.  As always, the Right’s tough-guy leaders wallow in a combination of pitiful fear and cynical manipulation of the fear of their followers.  Indeed, it’s hard to find any group of people on the globe who exude this sort of weakness and fear more than the American Right.”

Of course terrified 3the real clown show wouldn’t start till the weekdays when Congressional asshats vied with each other for spinning doomsday scenarios if our Constitution is respected.  Deliverance extra Louie Gohmert of Texas drawled between chomps of Cheezits, to general puzzlement, “Ah would rather be killed by a Terrist than be – than to have thaym see – legislay-tores running in fear cuz there’s some Terrist thrayt to the Capitol.  Jest take me out.  [chomp] We are cree-yating self-inflicted wounds.”  Not to be outdone, flamboyant Arizona wingnut John Shadegg, who likes to trot  7-month old girls out onto the Congressional floor to act as a ventriloquist’s dummy against healthcare, helpfully provided tactics that Al Qaeda might try during the trials:
terrified “If I were a terrorist outside the US, and KSM was going on trial in New York, I’d say, ‘Why don’t I find the judge’s cousin?  Why don’t I find the bailiff’s sister?  Why don’t I find the jailer’s brother?  And I’ll capture them and hold THEM for ransom until KSM is released.””

This helpful suggestion came on the heels of Shadegg’s forced apology for THIS unbelievable remark regarding NY Mayor Bloomberg:  “I saw the mayor of New York said today, ‘We’re tough. We can do it.’ Well, Mayor, how are you going to feel when it’s your daughter that’s kidnapped at school by a terrorist?”scared dick

I could waste the rest of my day putting up instances of the FEAR PARTY doing what they do best this week.  It worked so well for them in 2002 and 2004, and they are such unimaginative shriveled specimens, that they continue to hammer on the fear forgetting how badly it worked in 2006 and 2008.  We Americans didn’t stay in the fetal position forever after 9-11 (just a little too long.)

Josh condenses their whines this week into three categories, all spurious: 

1) civilian trials give the defendants too many rights and protections and thus create too big a risk they’ll get acquitted and set free, 2) holding the prisoners and trial in New York City puts the city’s civilian population at unnecessary risk of new terror attacks, and 3) holding public, civilian trials will give the defendants an opportunity to mock the victims, have a platform to issue propaganda or gain public sympathy.

He handily  disposes of the first two categories (just like former Bush DOJ officials Jack Goldsmith and Jim Comey did in the Washington Post yesterday) adding pungently:

On a more general level… since when is it something we advertise or say proudly that we’re going to change our behavior because we fear terrorists will attack us if we don’t?  To be unPC about it, isn’t there some residual national machismo that keeps us from cowering even before trivially increased dangers? As much as I think the added dangers are basically nil, I’m surprised that people can stand up as say we should change what we do in response to some minuscule added danger and not be embarrassed.

…and finally pours special contempt and derision on the third category, that we have anything to fear or even dislike from whatever absurd bile the defendants may spew while on the stand:

[This worry is] so contrary to my values and assumptions that at some level I don’t get it. I cannot imagine anything KSM or his confederates would say that would diminish America or damage us in any way. Are we really so worried that what we represent is so questionable or our identity so brittle? … Does anyone think that Nuremberg trials or the trial of Adolph Eichmann in Jerusalem in 1961 or the war crimes trials of Slobodan Milosevic and others at the Hague advanced these mens’ causes? Or that, in retrospect, it would have been wiser to hold these trials in secret?

At the end of the day, what are we afraid these men are going to say?

What we seem to be forgetting here is that trials are not simply for judging guilt and meting out punishment. We hold trials in public not only because we want a check on the government’s behavior but because a key part of the exercise is a public accounting and condemnation of wrongs. Especially in great trials for the worst crimes they are public displays pitting one set of values against another. And I’m troubled by anyone who thinks that this is a confrontation in which we would come out the worse.

 That’s why I’m so glad that we now have as Attorney General, not a creepy hack like Michael Mukasey whose first reaction to the decision was to bleat it “creates a cornucopia of intelligence for those still at large and a circus for those being tried,” but the calmly serious Eric Holder: 

“I’m not scared of what Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has to say at trial,” Holder said. “And no one else needs to be afraid either.”

“I have every confidence that the nation and the world will see him for the coward that he is,” Holder said.

“We need not cower in the face of this enemy. Our institutions are strong, our infrastructure is sturdy, our resolve is firm and our people are ready,” Holder said. “It is past time to finally act by bringing prosecutions.”

Holder

Sleep tight in your little bomb shelters, Fear Party adherents, the Grownups are in charge now!


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official political troubadour of Anaheim and most other OC towns. Regularly makes solo performances, sometimes with his savage-jazz band The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.