Supes DO & Todd in the 5th Dimension!


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Do you feel that?  Do you hear that?  The very fabric of the universe is a-quiver with the sheer insanity and inanity of the political rhetoric around homelessness in this county.  Supervisor Todd Spitzer claims the homeless people are all crazed drug addicts!  And Board Chairman Andrew DO warns that if you give homeless folks a house it will become a “crack den.”  I submit that these BOS creatures are on some stronger drugs than have heretofore been witnessed on Earth!

These two political crackheads are so obviously wasted that these statements mean nothing. These sexual misfits long for the touch of a homeless crack addict, and in the twisted ring of politics they will say they hate them – but secretly they want to “love them long time.”

Remember the politicians in Washington that said they were against homosexuality and meanwhile were screwing their young male pages?  These Supervisors of Homeless Deaths, these godless infidels who sit on the Dais of Indifference, are heading for a drug-induced  crash.

This author has done some deep space research and found that Todd and DO are high on something, perhaps some crazy new drug that allows them to completely ignore reality, manufacture “facts” from the air they breathe, and be newly “shocked! shocked!” every single time they re-learn how many hidden funds are available for the homeless.

Or maybe … do they breathe through gills hidden under their buttoned-up shirts and ties? Ah Haa! – we’ve located the clue to Spitzer & DO’s interdimensional/extraterestrial origins!

Google-search Andrew Do and Todd Spitzer “Aliens.” (Go ahead, I’ll wait.) In this new information age even the  extraterestrial/interdimensionals are tied into the internet.

My research strongly suggests that in his early days in the dorm rooms of UCLA and Hastings, Spitzer got regular shipments of drugs imported direct from another dimension – imported illegally from his home planet in that “other” universe. He used these “interdimensional drugs” in college and often shared them with his friends.  These “friends” would often mention the out-of-this-world drugs he supplied to the girls and guys of his fraternity “Alpha Centauri.”

Alpha Centauri – yes, the name says it all!  We can’t test his blood samples for drugs, though, as he would have to have blood or a heart to pump it with.

I contacted his college roommate, Bigbootie, who promptly confirmed the alien origin of the “Spit” as they called Spitzer.  This roommate, also an alien but from Beetlejuice, described his time with the Spit in great detail.

This roommate stated that sometimes Spit would frequently slip in and out of the dimensions in some uncontrolled fall – “Like, dude, he would fall to the floor face first and disappear into the carpet reappearing some time later falling from the ceiling onto his bed grasping a fist full of weird-shaped glowing pills!”  Bigbootie detailed these anomalies to this author and added, “and the Spit loved to share!”

After looking up DO’s college roommates – also at Hastings – I contacted his old friend Rug Sucker. He was only too anxious to flip the dollar on Do.  (Of course in college they called him “DO not” as the girls and boys always told him “DO not touch me there again.”)

DO (according to his roommate) is from Proxima Centauri B!  In deep research it seems that both DO and Spit come originally from planets, this dimension or other that do not believe in the death penalty. In the Twilight Zone series the Zanti Misfits, alien criminals were sent here literally to be killed by our inhumanity. They knew the unstable murderous humans would kill them all and we generally did.

I believe the facts will show, that like the Zanti Misfits, DO and Spit were sent here by other-worldly authorities because they have no death penalty. They sent the worst of the worst here – including DO and Spit – thinking that  we would/should recognize them as mutant alien criminals and kill em.

But in the infinite political insanity of OC… we made these beings Supervisors.

To reiterate, it was DO who said “If you give the homeless people houses they will turn them into crack houses.”

Maybe he should have checked the stats on that one because the bulk of ER visits for drug overdoses are in the beach cities like Laguna Niguel and HB.  “DO not touch me’s” drugs from Alpha Centauri are obviously affecting his very small brain.  Odd, as his head looks the same size as everyone else’s but the space drugs shrink the cerebellum.  In his case I think it shrunk his cerebellum/antebellum too (his post-civil war brain – those aliens live a long time.)

In Twilight Zone episodes such as the Zanti Misfits we met aliens that were good and bad but sent from worlds that knew mankind was worse – what did that say about humanity?

In the Outer Limits series we met aliens from other planets and other dimensions that were markedly better than we were in thought and action.  In the The Bellero Shield episode, the alien from another galaxy was transported to a scientist’s lab. He demonstrated his impenetrable shield controlled with a small button in his hand. The wife seeking this ultimate power shot the alien and trapped herself in the impenetrable shield. In his last dying breath the man from another galaxy tried to save the very woman who shot him.

In these stories the aliens from other dimensions and other planets are better than we are. DO and Spit, on the other hand, seem to represent the worst of humanity, but in their defense we can point to their expatriated, criminal alien natures.

But do YOU have that excuse?


About Fingal O'Flahertie

Fingal is an Orange County resident/entrepreneur, sometimes world traveler and man about the house.