Weekend Open Thread: In Praise of Plastic Bags


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Plastic Bag Video 3

We’ve been on the wrong, inhumane and unpatriotic side of this debate, and we vow to reform.  Check out the beauty, personality, and amazing life experiences of THIS tragic and immortal plastic bag, in this unforgettable 18-minute film narrated by the insane Werner Herzog! (Hat-tip Greg “Gericault” Ridge.)

Meanwhile, last week, my Facebook forum held a plastic bag-related poetry contest. That’s the HB Open Community Forum, not to be confused with the older, more right-populist Huntington Beach Community Forum (HBCF) from which I and many of my friends have been banned.  Somewhat embarrassingly, I won the contest, even though there were many other worthy entries, all of which you can read here.  The prize is, everyone has to come to my Feb. 21 concert at the Huntington Beach Central Library.

bahrani plastic bag 1

I attribute my victory to the use of iambic pentameter to enter the mind of an archetypal, bag-ban-opposing, HBCF member – say, a Chris Epting or a Mike Hoskinson – a person fiercely critical of “libtards” and “envirothugs” and powerful worried about something called Agenda 21 that the UN is trying to impose on us red-blooded Americans by forcibly taking away such innocent pleasures and conveniences as the plastic bag.  Enjoy, and be edified: Plastic Bag Video 4

O Plastic Bag! O Freedom’s flighty Phantasm,
The very Phlegm of Liberty’s rattling Cough!

I see thee wafting o’er my cherish’d Shores,

Jerk’d left and right on the capricious Breeze,

And lo my Patriot Heart with Fervor swells.

[If you love something set it free…]

O Bag! The sullen Libtard may decry thee,
Envirothugs may wail, I still sport Wood;

Yes I caress mine uncloth’d Chest with thee

And cast thee to the wild untether’d wind –

A Dagger to Agenda 21!

[…If it comes back to you it’s yours…]

Ye Plastic Bags! Ye mighty Multitude –
Thou and thy Kind, amphibious and bold!

Gull, Turtle, Fish shall love Thee as I do,

And at long last the Earth shall find Repose,

Ensconced in billowing folds of Plastic Bags!

[…if it doesn’t it never was.]

bahrani plastic bag 2

Well, that settled, this is your Weekend Open Thread.  Talk within broad bounds of decency about ANYTHING EXCEPT PLASTIC BAGS.


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.