The term “Water District Consultant” will appear in the news next week — which raises the question of what a “Water District Consultant” is and what one does.
The Google initially showed promise of an answer — 51,000 hits on the phrase! — but OJB’s review of them quickly narrowed that number to a mere 45 non-duplicative ones. Sadly, even a good number of those did not actually contain the phrase “Water District Consultant” itself, but rather sentences like:
“I wish to request a drink of water,” District Consultant Aloysius Scratchpad said weakly, shortly before collapsing to the floor and being rushed to urgent care, where he was later listed in stable condition after apparently suffering from an overdose of polar bear liver pate served at the Bollixham Financial District’s annual soiree.
That sort of sentence sheds little light on the matter — and is in any event, in its particulars, made up. (Seriously, though: don’t eat polar bear liver. Poisonous amounts of Vitamin A.)
So, slightly saddened and a little miffed at the lack of quality service from Google, we inquire directly of the unbanned portion of our devoted readership: what do YOU think a “WATER DISTRICT CONSULTANT” is and/or does — or, for that matter, isn’t and doesn’t do, which (if we get enough answers) would in time help us narrow it down. (Don’t expect a prize for the latter unless you’re ruling out something plausible.)
The Grand Prize winner, chosen by the OJB Ad Hoc Committee on Contents Membership, will receive a prize: something like a discounted entry to a political fundraiser. Plus, there’s the glory of it!
People who already answer are not eligible for the prize and, if you spoil others’ fun, are not eligible for a list of other things that will be assembled if and when necessary. “Don’t be a dork,” as some people say.
Look for the answer on Monday night or so.
“WATER DISTRICT CONSULTANT”
I think it is an out work politician or out of work staff member.
“Cashes an unending series of checks, from Taxpayer funds, and other sources!”
What do I win? It better not be Polar Bear Liver! lol.
Uh, no — uh — not Polar Bear Liver. Not at all. I’m sure I can come up with something else….
Charges $150 an hour, makes the water board staff do all the research, writes a four-page summary, then slaps his/her/its logo on the cover, all to confirm the scientific fact that water is wet.
You are definitely in the hunt for the prize.
*Don’t they make sure there are no Manatee’s swimming in the Wells and Wetland areas?
Soak up money like water?
That’s definitely usable.
Collects a check for attending, breakfast, lunches and Dinners along with a cool glass of water.
Also a good piece of speculation! But must one attend to collect the check?
Is it an oxygen-breathing organism, and if not, could it make a slow painful transformation into one?
No … not necessarily.
Must attend,
If all the bids are in, I think I know, but I don’t want to spoil it….may I complete the puzzle, dear Doctor?
You can confirm it with me privately, if we’re curious — but we’re going to have a post on it Tuesday for the big reveal.
Speaking of which — know what anniversary is coming up this week? What do you think: publish on Tuesday or on Wednesday?
Why do our public water agencies hire water consultants?
A water consultant sucks dry taxpayer money in the name of private entities pursuing contracts with our public water agencies. The water consultant then showers and pours pools of money into campaigns. The water consultant guzzles and gulps money from both sides: the public water district and the private entities. These consultant contracts do not benefit the public. These consultants are like elephants wallowing and wasting water money, while slurping from the public troth.
Hey that’s what Dick Ackerman is, isn’t he? In a cozy relationship with his wife at MWDOC.
I try not to make judgments about the coziness of other married people’s relationships.
Not entirely fair, GG — if you really want to push that metaphor, they also pollute the political process, which elephants don’t!
Greg, The elephant is also a symbol. You are correct to mention the pollution of the process. You chose to push the metaphor.
It’s what I do, GG — it’s what I do.
http://youtu.be/UL_czyUro7o