This is hilarious. Many of you may not like it, but that doesn’t change its hilariousness.
Beefy geologist Brian Jeffs (as a Person of Beef myself, I’m allowed to say that) and his sidekick Nathan Nephew, co-founders of “Michigan Open Carry,” have come out with a 40-page illustrated children’s book called “My Parents Open Carry.” (The lack of an apostrophe represents the absence of unconstitutional government regulation.) As you can see from this excerpt from the cover — which, Messers Jeffs and Nephew, we can reproduce based on Fair Use principles that hold back the nanny state excesses of government tyranny that you hide behind! — it depicts the harrowing story of a man whose right hand turns into a gun and whose wife and daughter switch faces and blouses.
Perhaps driven by horror at the bad taste of presenting such a phantasmagorical freak show to unsuspecting li’l ones, Amazon reviewers have savaged the publication — it’s $90 for a paperback version, if you must — with about half of them giving it five stars rather than one start in order to cover their tracks. This has been getting ample media attention over the past few days — and let it never be said that, when trying to fill space on a Sunday, OJB is unwilling to follow the crowd!
Some selections from selected reviews of this select publication:
“My Dark-Skinned Parents Open Carry. Or At Least They Did Until the Cops Shot them Fifty-Two Times.”As these books go, this one was just OK.But my favorite in the series by far is “My Parents Frack All Over the Place,” followed closely by “My Parents Roll Coal on Prius-Drivers,” “My Parents Clear Cut the National Forests,” “My Parents Remove the Mountaintops from Appalachia,” “My Parents Avoid Taxes through Corporate Inversions” and “My Parents Punch Somebody in the Face Because They Just Don’t Much Like his Face And He Shouldn’ta Brung It Here.”I’m really looking forward to reading “My Parents Tell Gay People They’re Going to Hell” and the just-announced “My Parents Scream at Refugee Kids.”This is a book the explains to little children that guns don’t need to be feared. It sends the positive message that guns are our friends, that we should trust in guns. I can’t wait for the sequel: “My little brother accidentally blew his head off.”Finally, a book for children that’s not afraid to say what every true American has always known: Mom and dad have a right to openly carry their weapons wherever they damn well please; parent-teacher conferences, pool parties, Chuck E. Cheese, you name it. A little known fact: In the first draft, the father’s character was named “Penis B. Powerful,” but the publisher felt it was too obvious, so they went with “Dick Strong” instead. [N.b.: yes, the parents really are named “Richard ‘Dick’ Strong” and “Bea Strong.”]A wonderful book! Family-orientedI can only give the book one star, because it did not also decry the evils of birth control and women being allowed to drive. If not for that kind of sh*t, decent patriotic men like me might not need to shell out as much of our women’s hard-earned welfare money on guns.The Book Teaches Gun Manners, Like “Make Sure the Safety is ON at the Dinner Table”An excellent book, even better than “Why Our Family Doesn’t Wear Seat Belts”.women made babies like poppin fresh biscuits and a good ol spray of …From the dad’s hand and it’s closeness to his his anatomical closed carry/extension next to his good-guy, open-carry wand, to descriptive text of the plot that rivals Poe in it’s meticulous detail, there is something for everyone in this, hopefully, series of many books dealing with things parents carry. I remember the days of my father taking us for rides around the neighborhood in his restored M2 Bradley American infantry fighting vehicle, He was an ardent supporter of the open-armour/vehicular movement and this strikingly, handsome book creates a gentle tidal wave of enjoyable memories from the days children were disciplined with a firm hand, women made babies like poppin fresh biscuits and a good ol spray of Bactine would cure a severed arm. What a relevant time for a piece of literature such as this. One can’t even park a legally obtained M1 Abrams tank in front of a restaurant without getting a stare from concerned citizens. If our opponents only the came to the realization that we are the good guys trying to stop the communist aliens in human disguise that Obummer has transported from the Jupeterian Sulfur Mines, they would not make a mockery of this book as many of the godless, tofu loving, Prius driving liberals have done. Did you know these aliens have implanted micro-chips in our brains during sleep that force us to watch Lawrence O’donnell and Rachel Maddow? Imagine my chagrin when I awoke the other night to see this Maddow ranting about how we should give harlots birth control, only to find a copy of Marx’s Communist Manifesto place in my lap, but I digress. Go ahead Liberals, make fun of this helpful book. When Ebola hits your town because of the Mexican’s crossing the border, you will not be welcome in my underground bunker, full of baked beans and the entire duck dynasty Series on DVD.Sure to shoot to the top of the best-seller listMy Parents Open Carry is a book destined for greatness.Sure, there have been several attempts at similar books in this genre, such as “My Parents Stockpile Ammo” and “My Parents Are Building a Fortress in their Basement for when the Government 9/11 False Flag Op is exposed and Obama comes to take us to the FEMA Death Camp”. But none of them truly capture the sheer delight that children can only get from “My Parents Open Carry”.‘My Parents Open Carry’ burst onto the market with several clicks and a bang back in February this year, and looks like it will shoot straight to the top of the bestseller list. Already, it is being compared with some of the great children’s titles such as “Stand Your Ground By Me”, Enid Blyton’s “Five Field-strip a Heckler & Koch G36” and of course J.K.Rowling’s magical Harry ShotHer series.However this title should not only top the young adult genre, but must also be compared to the great literary works as well. George Orwell’s “1,984 Snub-nose Rounds”, Tolstoy’s “War and More War”, “One Tried to Fly Over the Cuckoo’s Nest but I got the Little Bastard” and even Lindgren’s “Pippi Gunstock” come to mind.Of course, My Parents Open Carry doesn’t deserve to be limited to the written word, and already there is talk of taking this title to the big screen in several varying forms. Casting has begun for Kaufman’s feature-length “Eternal Sunshine of the Second Amendment”, while Quentin Tarrantino is reported to be working on a short film spinoff “Kill Bill, Mary, Tammy, Tyrone, Tracey, Steven, Richard, Sue-May, Colin, Diane, Head Coach Dwayne, Several Cheerleaders and the Entire Maths Department”. Even Eastern cinema is looking for a piece of the action with “House of Flying Bullets” set to start filming in Shanghai next year, with Joan Chen starring as the daughter.
Broadway hasn’t been left out either. Next summer theater-goers will be able to take in versions of the story with performances of “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang”, “Sniper on the Roof”, “High School Lockdown” and “Saturday Night Drive-by”
All in all, My Parents Open Carry is a true breath of fresh air in a children’s entertainment genre that has been sadly lacking in ammunition. 5 Stars!
“And yes, OJB does know — and very much appreciates the fact – that the highly civilized state of California does not allow Open Carry, and hopefully it never will.”
Right, for what– a whopping two years now? Highly civilized, indeed.
These last two years have been pretty good ones for California!
And, as someone who DOES accept the Supreme Court’s conclusion (right or wrong) that the penumbra of the Second Amendment gives people the right to have and bear firearms for home protection within their homes, although that doesn’t excuse them of liability for exercising that right, I DO distinguish between Open Carry and Home Self-Protection.
Just out of curiosity, how exactly would one NOT distinguish between open carry and home self-protection?
If it wasn’t clear to you, and I guess it wasn’t, I was referring to distinguishing between the two on constitutional grounds, not to distinguishing between them as separate objects, the way that someone with a neurological disorder might not be able to tell a fish from a fro-yo.
Some people don’t distinguish between them on constitutional grounds, though. They apparently believe that if you can defend your home with a firearm (to which you may still be subject to penalties for misuse, just as freedom of association doesn’t legalize criminal gang activity), you must therefore logically and constitutionally also be able to carry whatever legal firearm you’d like openly and in public (with the exception of gun shows, of course.)
That’s nuts. You, happily, aren’t.
we worry about things like open carry, which santa ana insider is getting a raise and whether or not diane harkey and mimi walters are really dating, but i just got a note from a friend of mine in lake elsinore that puts it all in perspective. basically this is what jimmy wrote
well, my dog died yesterday, left me all alone
the finance company dropped by today, and drove away my mobile home
but that’s just a drop in the bucket, compared to losing sue
and i am down to seeds and stems again too
put in perspective, we really do not have it that bad
*There is only one logical reason for open carry in our society: If you have a Hunting or Fishing License and you are on either Private, Native or State Land going about your business of camping overnight in the wild……you should be allowed to “Open Carry” in the event of meeting wild coyotes, bears, snakes or other indigenous animals with the ability to do you serious bodily harm. Driving onto to that land by vehicle or water body by boat, raft or other vehicle…including wave runners….should require that the firearm be secured by strap, holster or belt with the either the safety on – or the gun empty. Walking into a gas station or 7-11 with a loaded firearm would require that the person obtain a CCW, legal for that venue and that the firearm would be restricted from general view….and not considered “Open Carry”.
*By the way: The Book Cover: The Dad looks like he is 15 and has a paste on moustashe. The Mom and the daughter look like sisters and might both be married to the young dad……..maybe from a Mormon “Splinter Group”. Where are the firearms….the girls are carrying?
She’s not carrying a firearm; that’s how you know that she’s supposed to be younger.
*What? Not part of the Junior Marksmanship program? Come on now…we train kids six years old to shoot safely. What’s her problem? Or is she really transgender and suffers from prescription drug addictions?
*Probably carry’s like Magnum P.I. with that .45 in the small of her back?
Maybe?
The Amazon comments remind me of “Three Wolf Moon” and “Tuscan Whole Milk”.
Comedy gold.