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Anaheim’s City Council will start off the new year not only by apparently approving a settlement to their litigation with the ACLU — having successfully delayed single-member districts until 2016, after what their corporate sponsors hope is the re-election of Kris Murray and, less importantly, Gail Eastman — but also by spending $129,000 to hire a Cleveland, Ohio firm called The Superlative Group to spend a year selling corporate naming rights to the ARTIC Train Station.
Waste of time and money. I’ve already got the perfect proposal — presuming that the Superlative Group doesn’t want to buy the rights itself, because then we could call ARTIC the Superlative Train Station, and that would make it so.
Why are we building ARTIC? Prestige, right? So what better company to name it after than Prestige Brands, Inc. — which manufactures personal care and home cleaning products? Prestige Brands owns prestigious brands including Beano bean neutralizer, Chloraseptic sore throat products, Clear Eyes eye clearing juice, Compound W wart remover, Dermoplast skin numbing spray, Dramamine motion sickness easer, Ecotrin heart attack prevention aspirin, Efferdent denture fizz, Fiber Choice bowel regularizer, Kwellada lice and scabies banishers, Luden’s cough stopper, Massengill unnecessary feminine hygiene cleaner, Nytol and Sominex sleep causers, Tagamet stomach smoother, and Comet and Spic and Span cleaning products.
In other words, there’s pretty much something for everyone!
While we’d want the Prestige name on the building (for the prestige), they would of course want to feature at least one product in the train station’s name. In the spirit of “something for the ladies,” I’ve mocked up an image for naming rights honoring the Massengill brand — the company whose product safety blunder (as in “we didn’t know that that was poisonous!”) during the Great Depression led directly to the Pure Food and Drug Act.
Naming something after a bank or a phone company is boring. For the sake of the prestige it stands to gain with the new ARTIC station, Anaheim deserves better. Please feel welcome to offer your own suggestions for corporate name-rights-holders in comments.