.
.
.
I am happy to announce that Geoff Willis’s “shape-shifting hooker” story, published here in Oct. 27, has officially gone viral. (Vern might not like to get into the weeds on these sorts matters with readers, but I do, and he has never thought that he might need to warn me against it.) After a respectable 660 cumulative hits in the last five days of October, when the clock struck midnight at the close Halloween the tale of our favorite African donkey took off like Herman Cain’s campaign after that Florida straw poll, rocketing into the blogostratosphere with an average of over 750 hits for each of the past three days and no end in sight! (Saturday looks like it just may be the strongest day yet.) In fact, if it were not for the shape-shifting hooker, craigslist’s “rants and raves” sections nationwide might have had to close down this past week.
On behalf of OJB, I want to extend congratulations to my colleague and sometime playful nemesis Mr. Willis for helping to bring the best and most current shape-shifting hooker news to the masses. OJB dedicates itself to continuing to scour the earth for the best and most incisive shape-shifting hooker stories and commentary. We are, as the new slogan I’ve suggested to Vern (and which he rejects because of his fondness for mosh pits) says, “Orange County’s finest source for all of the latest Shape-Shifting Hooker news.”
Along those lines, we are considering introducing a line of branded “Shape-Shifting Hooker” merchandise — tote bags, t-shirts, mouse-pads, coffee mugs, stationery, tattoos, kilts, and framed portraits that are absolutely guaranteed to hold their value better than any commemorative coin you could have purchased from Goldline (at least for us as the vendor.) If you’re interested in placing a special request — and yes, Ken Calvert, this means you — let us know in comments!
We want to make sure that we don’t run out of this sort of story, so we do have a request to make. Each day, a number of readers of Orange Juice (like those of Liberal OC, New Santa Ana, OC Weekly, and especially The Register) may be picked up on charges of public sex with prostitutes. Now, we don’t encourage this sort of activity, mind you, and we certainly don’t want to give out legal advice. But if you get picked up on such a charge, and if it happens that the hooker you were with did shift shape into any mammalian (or not necessarily only mammalian) form, and if you’re willing to go public with the story, we do want to be the first ones to know. Please mail news of your intended defense to mail2greg4-shapeshiftinghooker@yahoo.com. (We will try to get a personalized OJB address before too long.)
Advertisers: Do you want to be included in future Orange Juice Blog “Shape-Shifting Hooker” themed advertising supplements and promotions? Please contact our “Donna Kay Hooker” via the above e-mail address for reasonable rates. Don’t let others take away your chance to reach the sorts of consumer who religiously (or irreligiously) follow all the later shape-shifting hooker news! This is apparently a huge market, and we’re just happy to be here to capitalize on it. Reasonable rates are available, given the mass appeal!
Please tag this “humor” or “satire,” but it is very funny. I have people working on the merchandising right now and we will be ready to take orders soon.
I don’t know how to use the tag function; feel free to tag as you wish. Within reason. (I thought that, humorwise, res ipsa loquitur.)
My favorite part of this weird experience is when both the Harley Davidson and Minnesota Vikings fan websites linked to Donkey Hooker – did not see that coming.
Shape-Shifting Hooker started out very strong today, seemingly headed for a new record, but like yesterday has petered out mid-day. I’ve realized that this is partially because we’re getting so many hits from the Eastern and Central time zones — which tells you pretty much all you need to know about the Eastern and Central time zones.
Greg & Geoff,
I am the exclusive worldwide rep for the famous Jenny the Gorgeous Donkey’s line of love making paraphenalia. With your permission I will be happy to post the website information.
Jenny is pleased to share her shape-shifting romantic tips with all whether M/F, jacks or jennies and in all combos.
So to all of your readers, get your shape-shifting “romantica mojo” moving in high gear. Go with Jenny the Gorgeous Shape-shifting Donkey’s happy “hee-haw” endings for all.
It doesn’t HAVE to be donkeys, you freak.
Could be … wildebeests. Or ling cod.
Vern: for some people, it really does have to be donkeys. Don’t criticize them until you’ve walked a mile in their … whatever.
Be careful out there. Cod a lingus is against the law in most states below the Mason-Dixon Line.
Oh. My. Cod.
You’ll have to talk to Vern about that. Then he’ll have to refer you to his lawyers in this matter, who are apparently me and Geoff. Proper channels!
P.S.: Isn’t the name “Jenny” sort of generic in the donkey realm? I don’t think you can trademark it. You could trademark “Jennifer,” though.
There is a company called Hooker Headers, founded by a fellow from Ontario with the last name of Hooker in the 60′s, that is a real success story. Maybe you can make a connection.
Dude – I had Hooker Headers on my 65 1/2 Mustang Fastback 2+2 – circa 1967.