Little girls take offense at Gary Miller’s slur on them.


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Word of Congressman Gary Miller’s comment yesterday to the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, that his challenger Lee McGroarty shouldn’t “go running to the newspaper like a little girl” to discuss Miller’s corruption, spread like wildfire through Miss Kelly’s classroom, provoking hisses, pouts and rolled eyes.

Caitlin, age 11, looked up from her ant farm and with furrowed brow muttered, “Little girl, huh. For one thing he’s implying that we little girls like to run off and tattle-tale whenever something doesn’t go our way.  That’s just really not true about most of us.”  Her friend Maria, not taking her eyes off the swarming ants, nodded sagely in agreement.

“But also,” Caitlin continued, “he’s using us to insult Mr. McGroarty, and as far as I can tell Mr. McGroarty is doing exactly the right thing.  The press is there to expose government wrongdoing, isn’t it?  And if even half of what McGroarty is claiming is true, about Miller’s corruption and earmarks for profit, then he was right to make a big deal of it.  And this little girl says good for him!

“Isn’t she precocious?” beamed Miss Kelly, walking up behind Caitlin and stroking her hair.  Caitlin forced a taut smile, not comfortable being patronized.

Maria, finally bored of the ant farm, piped up, “Isn’t Gary Miller the guy who ripped off the city of Monrovia for $10 million and then lied about it to the IRS so he wouldn’t have to pay taxes? My grandma’s from there, she talks about it all the time!”

Alison, still only ten, called out from across the room where she was playing checkers on the floor with a friend, “Gary Miller’s been named one of the most corrupt Congressmen for years. Even little girls know that!”  The whole classroom erupted in giggles.

“Didn’t he get sent home from Vietnam with a dishonorable discharge after only a year?” rang out the voice of a pig-tailed waif, not missing a flip of the jump rope she was helping to swing.

“Now, Chelsea, don’t be saying that if you don’t have any proof!” scolded the teacher.  “Sorry, Miss Kelly!” chanted Chelsea.

The freckled redhead swinging the other end of the rope retorted in Chelsea’s defense “Well, isn’t it suspicious that year after year he won’t answer any questions about his military service?”

The little black girl doing the jumping chimed in: “Plus they totally stonewall you over this at the Pentagon.  I tried to do a research paper on it last year – CRICKETS.  Hey, will you guys swing that rope quicker?”

Caitlin smiled at me.  “You see, this is the sort of stuff we little girls talk about nowadays.  And Gary Miller’s comment was so offensive, treating us like we’re all immature, whining tattle-tales… it was even, if I may say so, sexist.

“Aw, Caitlin, Congressman Miller is just from a different generation,” Miss Kelly offered.

“Well then, maybe it’s time we got somebody new in Congress,” Caitlin shot back.

Just then a bell rang, the doors flew open, and the little girls flocked out into the brilliant sunlight.


About Vern Nelson

Greatest pianist/composer in Orange County, and official troubador of both Anaheim and Huntington Beach (the two ends of the Santa Ana Aquifer.) Performs regularly both solo, and with his savage-jazz quintet The Vern Nelson Problem. Reach at vernpnelson@gmail.com, or 714-235-VERN.